Murphy Got Me Again

Today started fantastic. That should have been my first clue. I got up feeling fairly good. I had tons of prepared food in the fridge, so I could snack at leisure. And I decided to try to make some headway on the Corn-Free Foods List.

Just as I finished answering emails, I got a call from a new friend asking me to come over for a lazy afternoon of movies. I thought to myself, "YEAH!!" of course knowing full well that this would mean putting off The List for another day.(Whats one more day in the face of like 6 months?) This is also the first time this lady's invited me over, so yeah I was going to go! She also wanted me to bring my dog for a doggie playdate.

So I start getting showered, and I see my dog shaking violently shaking her head as if she's trying to throw water out of her ears. CRAP! I'm fairly certain its mites, but I couldn't see any, so I set up a vet appt tomorrow just to make sure.

Then I called my friend to tell her that I wasn't bringing my dog because I was afraid my dog would give her dogs something. She sounded disappointed, but hey I was still coming.

So I go out to my car. Throw in the drinks I'm bringing with me (I don't go anywhere without safe water), and my jacket, sit down, and put in the key.. turn.. Nothing! A few lights came on, but the engine did nothing. Of course, now I'm cussing!

Now it was going to be too late to go by the time I got my car fixed, so I called my friend and canceled. She was pretty disappointed, and I'm not sure if she thought I was just making up excuses not to go, or if I really had car trouble.

But Honestly, I can't make this stuff up.

So just as I hang up with her, I get an email from M, which I reply telling him that now I'm not going to my friend's house, cuz the car won't start.

He comes home and gives me a jump.

So I keep the car running and head to my normal Hyundai Service Station. As an afterthought, I give them a call .. a sort of "heads up" if you will. A lady answers the phone, and I say "I need to get my Hyundai in for service." She replies with "We don't service Hyundai anymore" WTF?? At this point, I have to use all my power not to cuss her out, and instead end the call.

Now where to go? Luckily I have my handy dandy iPhone, and pull over (car running) to search for there nearest Hyundai service center. Both are in BFE from me. One way freaking north, and one way freaking south. North is faster to get to, so I call them and ask if they can squeeze me in. Sure, on THURSDAY!!

By this time I'm frustrated beyond words and no longer care if my car drops dead on the side of the road. Sure I like my car, but this is so NOT what I wanted to do today and the attack of Murphy's Law isn't helping me any.

So I remember this one fix-it station that I used to take my old car to a long long time ago. Its close to my house, so I decide "screw it" and drive there. They are of course wall-to-wall working on cars with hardly an empty space in their lot, but by this time I'm not going anywhere else. If my car is going to die, its going to die here. Tough!

So I turn off my car.

Wait a few minutes. (While the service men are looking at me like "Who is the idiot sitting in her hot car?")

Then I turn it on again. She started right up! No problems at all! SURE! The final icing on the cake of today. Nothing wrong with the car at all, just enough mess to make you want to crawl back into bed or hit something very hard with a bat.

Grrrrrrr

I've since turned it on. Off. On. Off. On. Off. Works like a charm.

Somebody somewhere doesn't want me to make friends today.

You're only as good as your worst Musician

I try hard not to stereotype people based on their looks, and given my past, I think I do a fairly good job of it.

So tonight, when a large African-American male stepped onto the stage in dreadlocks holding an electric violin, I honestly was very intrigued and ready to listen to what I thought might be an interesting performance.

All the previous performers had been fairly ok, so I thought this might be good. He began by playing a few notes for the backup band (drums, sax, 2 guitars, harmonica), to get them to understand his song well enough to jam to it.

Initially when he started playing, I thought that maybe he just needed to warm up and that the song and playing would get better.

Unfortunately, I was very very wrong.

The more he played, the worse it got. At first, it was merely out of tune. Then it progressed into everyone being out of tune (I mean this is a GOOD back up band, so when they were all out of tune it was rather scary). Then things got worse. The guy kept playing, and so the band kept plugging along trying to follow him. As the song progressed, not only was the audience wondering WTF, but you could tell the band was thinking that as well (as they struggled to find the melody with which to harmonize). The guy just kept going as if completely tone deaf (he didn't look drunk or drugged, in case you were wondering), and developed an appalling lack of rhythm, which did not help things with the band at all.

The song went on for over 5 minutes which felt like 5 hours of listing to cats screaming with nails on the chalkboard as backup music. The guy unfortunately had two songs, and this was only the first one.

I've never felt sorrier for a backup band in my life, and I will surely have a deep seated fear of black men with dreadlocks playing violin.

No Orgies Here

As I previously posted, today has been an odd day. And I'm obviously in an odd mood. So this is off-humor, so you're warned.

I was chatting online with a friend, when I decided I needed to get busy cleaning house. Which I honestly really need to get done. Well when pressed about it, I said; "Well if I clean well enough, I can invite people over for an orgy."

To which they replied, "Oh yeah, that sounds exactly like YOU!"

Needless to say (but I'm going to anyway) I didn't end up leaving IM. Instead we continued talking for quite a while later, and then I accused them of trapping me in chat:

V: you know I still ain't got no cleaning done
SF: i know...unless you got some loooooooog fingers...which might prove useful for the orgy
V: lol
V: you just don't want me to have an orgy, thats it
SF: no...i want to be invited and be able to go
V: LOL
SF: but since i cant..nobody's going

Ah, the simple entertainment of a couple beers with good friends, in which anything goes without skipping a beat.

Hillary Supporters Hilarity

I have to thank Ratnest for putting a heads up about this on his blog. Its too funny not to pass along.

Due to recommendation of others who've seen this at The New Editor, Please Use Caution: May be hazardous to your health, please check with your doctor before watching.



I found it immensely funny (and maybe a little misogynistic?) that they think a woman should clean the White House, and even more hilarious that they recommend Hillary. I'll just skip over the complete lack of talent that makes them all look like loonies.

I could be a porn star! (and so could you).

You have to thank Ratnest for this. This is the most hilarious call to arms.. er.. porn that I've ever seen. Yes, I could be a porn star! :)

Just Ask V

For a long time (as long as I can remember) people have come to me for advice. As with anyone, sometimes its good advice, sometimes its great advice and sometimes its just plain rotten advice.

Or so I thought.

Last night I got a question from a friend which made me wonder if the "cosmos" had something else in mind for me.

But before I get to the question, let me preface it by explaining some of my basis for this wonderment.

Earlier yesterday, I recieved a skills/interest study result which proclaimed that I should really pursue three different areas of study. Counceling (no duh), Fashion (wtf?), and *drumroll* becoming a Religious Leader.

The result of Religious Leader caused me a whole lot of giggles and laughter. For years, I'd been facetiously claiming that I needed to start my own religion. From making fun of Global Warming, to half-seriously considering a religion based in corn avoidance.. Starting a cult has been a running joke.

So to see in text from a respected skills/interest survey, that I should indeed consider this Religious Leader fascination.. Really had me rolling.

Then came this conversation.. which made me stop and wonder if maybe I not only had the power to be a Religious Leader, but maybe I could in fact become a "God" myself...

My friend, in all seriousness, asked me this. (quotes as close to verbatim as possible) We had been talking about shoes.

"On that note, You know I've been meaning to ask you something, because I know you'll most likely know the answer... Lately, I've been driving down the road and I see on the side of the road, one shoe. Just one shoe..."

At this point I interrupt her with "Seriously? This is the answer you think I'M going to KNOW?"

She responds in all seriousness, "I haven't got to the question yet. And yes"

(I and anyone else knows where this is going, so to be polite I let her finish, but I'm laughing anyway)

"So I see these shoes on the side of the road. Just one adult sized shoe. The left shoe. And I was wondering if you knew why?"

Her tone was that of complete seriousness, as if she just asked me if I knew why they used yeast in bread, or who was the first President of the USA.

So I'm thinking to myself.. Ok.. WHY in the world would someone think that "I" would know why adults in Nebraska (I live in Austin) would throw their left shoe out the window of their car.

My only conclusion is that people really do think I'm a God (or have a very special information relationship with Him) or they're insane... in which this "God" thing might actually work.

Seriously, I didn't need any more fuel for that fire. :)

I wanna be a Popstar too..

This was too funny not to post here..



If that doesn't work, click here to go to YouTube: Spoof - Popstar

My Dream Home

Referred to this "dream home" planner by Howard Tayer of Schlock Mercenary, I decided to give it a go. You know cats & curiosity.

I have to say that its not too far off.. though I'd replace the Ferrari's with a variety of cars ranging from a Hummer, to sports cars, to ecological cars... so that I'd have one to fit whatever mood I was in that day. The dog would probably be a border collie or something similar. I will never own a doberman. (oh and I have no idea what "Rich Man, Poor Man" is.)

To see my dream home plans.. Magic Magnate's Manor.

Drama

I hate having to eat my words. Earlier today before I left the house to run some errands (ok, I went shopping). I sent a message to an old friend about how much less drama my life has now.

I should have known to cross my fingers when I hit send.

While I'm out shopping, my husband calls and says he can't get to the house because its blocked off by the police. So he asks an officer if he can get into the house, they said no, but wouldn't tell him what was going on. He also saw a SWAT team getting out and ready for action. So he went back to work, and told me to call him when I went home if I could get in.

So about a half hour later, I'm done shopping (yeah like I'm ever really done) and I went home to check on things. Neighbors, which I've never met, are standing out on the corner just outside the taped off areas talking.

Everything is still cordoned off, so I can't get to our house.. though I can see it clearly and there are cops, and cop cars, and lights flashing. Seriously it looked like our house was under arrest.

So I ask the people gathered on the corner watching the action.. "Do you know whats going on?"

Evidently, a kid (male) was mentally disturbed.. rumored to be bipolar.. and had locked himself up in his house with a gun. The father supposedly got out and called the police.

I don't know any of these people, and honestly I'm a little glad that I haven't taken the time to get to know all my neighbors after this incident. :)

I'd left the house at 4pm, and we finally sneaked into the house after parking the cars a block or so away at around 8:45pm. I was starving and starting to panic about not being able to eat as I cannot eat out due to multiple food allergies. I even went to Whole Foods to pick up a can of tuna and a can opener. :)

And our poor dog.. When we got home, we found her hiding under the back deck scared. Evidently, sirens and flashing lights is too much drama for her as well.

The flashing lights and drama cleared up around 10pm. Which we finally could go get our cars and park them at the house.

So much for being drama-free. This just isn't something you'd expect in our neighborhood. I lived in Chicago in a newly reformed crackhead neighborhood without this kinda drama, but in a rural upscale neighborhood in Austin ? The scene was just so out of place all I could do was laugh. I wish I'd have taken pictures. :)

New Insight into Gay Marriage

Again Schlock Mercenary comic, Howard Tayler has pointed me... ok, he indirectly referenced a comic strip... which I began reading.

I think I'd probably enjoy the comic more if I was male and a child of the 80's, but David Willis has a few "LOL" strips in the SHORTPACKED mix for all persons of any age (ok, any age that lived through the 80's).

One strip though caught my eye. It's not entirely "LOL" funny, but its definitely a new conspiracy theory twist on Gay Marriage.

Definitely, a mind that would make even a persistent pessimist envious.

Who to vote for?

On a Delphi Forums group, someone posted this handy-dandy test to take in order to pick which candidate to vote for.

Minnesota Public Radio: Select a Candidate 2008

Unfortunately I had to have done something really wrong, as I ended up with John McCain as the one to vote for..

Scary Stuff.

Email Mysteries

Most of the spam email that I recieve is advertisements for "male enhancement" or how I can click this link to get laid.

Occaisionally I'll get a spam email with some kind of gibberish in it where nothing in it actually makes sense. It looks like it might be a story, but its like tearing a page of a book in half length-wise and trying to make out the story from partial sentences.

And then... There is today's spam mail.

I honestly can't wait til the next one. They are very interesting in a spooky, who-the-hell-comes-up-with-this-and-why kind of way.

The first one:

"Subject: Helen, the mother of great Constantine, nor yet Saint Philip's daughters were like these" (so far normal spam babel, then I read the one sentence contents.)

"For purposes of this Section, a series of related events shall constitute a single material breach."

Kinda creepy. To me it reads like some kind of sci-fi horoscope. What does it mean? What events? What breach? OMG am I in trouble? Crap, while I was playing games did I accidently hack into mission control?

The second one is from Vit Loftus, which is a very strange name and reminds me of a sci-fi alien character or something. And after reading the creepy material breech spam, I'm a little on edge. The message simply states:

"I forbid you to tell the boy anything."

What boy? Crap, I don't know what boy, but rest assured if I see said boy, I won't be telling anything I swear. Don't kill my doggie, I swear I won't tell.

(Now just to figure out what it is that I'm supposed to know.)

Global Warming caused by Law Changes

This has to be the most hilarious thing I've read in ages. I actually have my friend Datarat to thank for alerting me to this.

While I'm not a big fan of the scare of supposed global warming, this article was way too funny to pass up.

It seems according to one Arkansas lady that lawmakers are plotting and making laws to cause this global warming.