Monday, April 07, 2008

Getting Better - Getting Worse

Well I'm not sure when it happened.. but I seem to be getting better and not reacting as violently to minor corn/allergy infractions.. Though I still react some.

But the changes in my reactions are a little irritating, in that I really have to be ON MY TOES. And I should listen to my intuition more than I have been.

Anyway, a few weeks ago I decided to trial some organic grapes from Africa. It went exceedingly well. So I was encouraged that I wasn't allergic to actual grapes, or at least not hypersensitive to the molds on them.

Then I saw at Costco, Dole grapes. Yes I know.. Dole is a really unreliable brand, but the package clearly listed that they were treated with sulfur dioxide.. and since I've had sulfur dioxide without issues.. I thought .. well I'd take a chance.

I ate them Saturday.. a bunch.. and had a little problem.. maybe.. wasn't sure.. kinda sure.. but maybe not.

So I ate more on Sunday.. figured why waste good grapes.. and since I wasn't completely sure I reacted.. I thought I'd try again and see. Nothing major, a little issues.. pretty sure was grapes, but not totally as I did go out and was around corn chips earlier in the evening.

So since I still had grapes on hand today.. I thought well maybe I'll try them again and see. About 2 hours later.. after doing nothing. From the time I ate the grapes til 2 hours later, I'd been sitting on the couch watching tv with hubby and I was playing a stupid "slots" game on Pogo. Nothing taxing, and nothing that would upset me or trigger me to be upset.

So anyway, 2 hours later after the grapes, I started fretting. No reason. Nothing had changed and honestly nothing to fret over. But I was fretting, and honestly it felt like I was trying to find something to fret about. And my heart got racing, and I had a little feeling like something was on my chest.. and I started to panic. About nothing. Sure thoughts flowed through my mind like "if we had more money we could" or "if this.. then this" kinds of things, but each was purely insane, untriggered, and each I knew was completely nothing to worry about. But I was worrying about it anyway, and I couldn't figure out why (which honestly didn't help matters any).

Anyway, things like this I note in my food journal, so I picked up my journal to write it down and took a couple benadryl to hope that it was an allergic reaction and not me becoming nutz. Then I decided to check the last couple nights to see if I'd noted something similar.. and sure enough.. around 2 hours both nights after eating the grapes, I'd noted "mild feelings of panic". The benadryl kicked in shortly and the panic slowly subsided. (Thank God for Benadryl)

I remember though the last time I tried grapes a few years ago, and my allergic reactions were not mild.. but very violent with a lot of digestive problems.

So while it seems I am getting better... I'm also not sure I like it. I almost prefer feeling like I've got the flu to feeling like I'm going crazy or having a panic attack. But I suppose if this is the way to eventually being healthy, and possibly adding some foods back in in the future.. I guess I'll just have to grin and bear it. I just don't need any help feeling looney. :)

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

If you can't stand the heat..

*begin rant*

I am irritated. Making new local friends is not easy.

Making new local friends who have interests in common other than food and eating out, is even harder.

Making new local friends who have interests in common other than eating out, and want new local friends themselves.. is rarer yet.

Making new local friends, who have interests in common other than eating out, want new local friends themselves, and who can deal with a little craziness.. Impossible.

Taking food out of the equation eliminates a good 70% of the population, as most people aren't going to want to just hang out and chat without food. And food here in Austin, usually means corn chips and salsa (not always but generally), and since I (corn allergy) can't be around people eating corn chips.. well.. this isn't an option.

Which leaves other things that don't require food. Meeting at a bar for drinks, book clubs, writing clubs, and maybe bowling if I could find a bowling alley that doesn't pop popcorn.

Anyway, I'm having a little pity party.. you're all invited of course. The decor is all up and pretty.. with dark walls, clouds, and those eerie streams of moonlight.

Luckily I have friends from back when I was crazy all the time, who get me (or at least are used to the crazy) and like me any way.

But it seems no matter what I do anymore, I manage to piss the new friends off. !?!?!?!!??!!! I just don't get it, but in a way I don't really care either.

I used to be a huge people pleaser. I would find out what people wanted in a friend, and change myself to be that. I would alter beliefs, feelings, likes, dislikes, speech patterns, terminology, etc. Almost a head to toe make over, while retaining just enough me. Even some of my real friends, with whom I never had to be anything but myself, noticed that I'd completely change in other people's company.

Thank God that craziness is over!

And now if I have to bend over backwards to be something I'm not, in order to be someone's friend? Ain't going to happen. I could be alone for 10 yrs on a desert island, still wouldn't happen.

So, if you can't handle proverbial the heat of my fire, get your ass out of my proverbial kitchen.

*end rant*


I always wondered just exactly what I could charge if I should ever actually become a whore. I guess, now I know?

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