The World of V

Reasons I left Nebraska

2010-01-05T16:15:00.000-08:00

It's winter in Nebraska!
And the gentle breezes blow
Seventy miles an hour
At thirty-five below.

Oh, how I love Nebraska
When the snow's up to your butt
You take a breath of winter
And your nose gets frozen shut.

Yes, the weather here is wonderful
So I guess I'll hang around
I could never leave Nebraska
I'm frozen to the ground!

-- I have no idea who wrote this.. and you might think they're exaggerating, but unless you've experienced a real Nebraska winter.. you have no idea. Yes, your nose will get frozen shut, and yes, sometimes you can get frozen to the ground.

Hitting A Nerve

2009-12-21T17:20:00.000-08:00

Today someone really hit a nerve of mine. If it wasn't for the fact that I'm in actual pain, it probably would not have hit me so hard.

My childhood was pretty normal. I played and did normal childhood things. I thought I was relatively normal. Well with the exception of having had encephalitis as a toddler and having to have corrective footwear to learn to walk again.

But then there was my sisters, who told me all sorts of things. They liked to tell me I was adopted, and as much as I wished that might be the case, we looked way too much alike for me to swallow it. They'd tell me that I almost killed my mother. That carrying me almost cost her her life and that I stole from her her ability to have more children. They told me many cruel things.

So when they told me that there was something wrong with me from birth. That the doctor had told mom there was something wrong with me. They said I was supposed to be tall (which I relatively am) and that I'd probably make a good athlete .. well except for one thing.. which they were never to tell me. Mom said I wasn't to know, as she didn't want me to think I was handicapped. I wasn't sure I believed them.

I grew up with spontaneous shooting pain coming from my foot now and then. When I complained to my mother (a nurse), she would tell me I was fine and to just "buckup camper" or something similar. My sisters would call me a cry baby. Generally the pain was fleeting, only excruciating for a minute then it'd be tender for a few.. then I'd be fine. I trusted my mother, and over the years just assumed that this was normal and that I was just a wimp.

My feet always seemed more sore than everyone else's. Others seemed to be able to walk around all day then go out at night, and after a 6 hour shift my feet would be really sore and I'd be dead tired. I'd hear my sister's voices in my head of "Oh you're just lazy" or "Quit your whining"... and push myself to do more.

I love going on nature walks, dancing, and some sports (the ones I play, not the ones you watch), but as much as I loved it.. I found myself starting to hate it, and began relating exercise with pain and agony.

But it wasn't until I was 30 that I finally went to see a doctor about it. I was forced to do it as my work (Pharmacy Tech standing on hard cement for 8 hours) was going to 10 hour shifts and I would need a doctors note to remain at 8 hour shifts. I loved my job, but I was in so much pain after 8 hours that the thought of 10 hour shifts nearly brought tears.

I had no idea what doctor to see, because I had no idea what was really wrong. So I went in to a rheumatologist, because I figured maybe it was early arthritis onset due to the damage of encephalitis as a toddler. They pretty much refused to help me, but told me to see a podiatrist. aka "We think you're a fat lazy slob and nothings wrong with you, but to cover our asses go see someone else."

So I research podiatrists. I want to make sure I'm actually going to get some help. I go to one, and she's nice. She takes some ex-rays. Pokes at my feet. Tells me I need to stay off my feet for a while, and prescribes some "boots" to wear to help my feet heal and gives me a doctors note for work.

I wear the boots for one day and I'm ready to amputate my legs because it might be less painful. So I go back into her. She can't believe that I'm in that much pain, as the boots weren't supposed to hurt. (yeah right, those boots were evil) So she sets me up with an MRI appointment.

I go in for the follow up, and she looks at me like "OMG how are you walking?" but she's trying to cover it up. She tells me that with all the swelling, and bruising that didn't show up on the xray, she's seeing on the MRI that I need to be on complete bedrest for an entire month, maybe two. She tells me I have a calcaneo-navicular coalition.

Yeah I didn't know what that was either, so she explained. She pointed to a chart with bones of the feet.

"This bone here, and this bone here are held together by a joint. That joint is the basic structure of the foot and the arch. You're missing that joint, and when you walk around those bones just bang together. So your muscles are the sole reason you have an arch at all, and they're working double duty. Which is why your calf is so large."

I've always had large calves. Large, 100% muscle calves. Now I know why. Unfortunately that means I can't diet or exercise them smaller. Damn.

She continues that its a birth defect that I've had since birth, and something that they look for in newborns. That the obstetrician should have informed my mother of it when I was born.

In many ways, I understand why my mother didn't tell me. She claims now not to have known btw. But had I known, I'd have been able to do my life differently. I'd have had more drive for a job that I could physically do.. like office work or computer science.

I spent the next few months wrapping my head around things, healing, and relearning to walk without pain. It took me nearly 5 months to be able to stand up for 4 hours a day (that includes walking, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, etc). My doctor is amazed that I don't have any major knee problems or back problems... yet anyway.

I have to keep on top of taking care of my feet. Meaning rest. Arch supports. Moderation with activity. To keep from being in pain and damaging my body any more.

So when I mention this online to a new online friend, and he replies: "You can rest when you're dead."

All the past of "You're lazy" "Quit your whining" and "Buckup Camper" come flooding through my mind... and I wonder when will people actually trust me that I know WTF I'm talking about? and that I'm doing what I need to do for my body's long term health?

He hit a nerve.. and I know he didn't mean to.. but it doesn't hurt any less.

I'm not Dead.

2009-01-12T17:19:00.001-08:00

Just to reassure those of you who also noticed that I haven't posted anything in a while.

I'm not dead. :)

I am however stressed. Freaking out. and otherwise insane, but I'm getting better at it and more convincing in my bouts of sanity.

I'll write more as life permits. Til then, I'm alive. Just so you know.

Tuckered Out

2008-12-01T09:10:00.000-08:00

My parents rat terrier puppy, Pepper "the Energizer Bunny", finally
sleepy after nearly 3 days of non-stop running.

Not a Jedi Yet - Using the Force 2 - AAT

2008-11-26T22:44:00.000-08:00

Had my second visit today with the AAT Dr Gonzales.

Bad News: I'm still in too bad of shape to do AAT yet.

Good News: I'm still losing weight, and I have improved.. not much but a little. Gives me hope anyway.

I brought in a bunch of supplements that I was taking from other doctors (hormone treatment from Dr. Roby was actually making matters worse than better so I'm to stop that), so I had him test those to see which ones I really do need and which ones I shouldn't take. Most of them were "do not take" - at least yet. And he re-evaluated the supplements he had me on, switched up some doses, dropped one, added three. So it all pretty much averages out to the same amount of pill popping, just different pills. :)

What I'm on now:
Multizyme (continued)
Thymex (continued)
Cal-Amo (continued)
Spleen PMG (continued)
Calcium Lactate (new - Standard Process brand like those above)
Total Probiotics - Nutri-West brand (new)
BMR Complex - Integrative Therapeutics (I was already taking this for iodine, and I'm to continue)
Calcium - Phytopharmica (was already taking on my own since I can't have milk in any form anymore, but he "dosed" it for me).

Oh, and I have Wheat Germ Oil capsules (Standard Process) which I'm to open the capsule and spread the oil on my skin where I have some scars (from allergy boils/abscesses)

We're hoping with all the changes and discontinuing the hormones that I'll be in good enough shape next week to start AAT treatments, but we'll see how I am when I get there.. especially after this week being in Nebraska.

Anyway, so despite using the force, I'm not quite a jedi yet.. But I'm showing some promise!

Using the Force to cure Allergies: AAT

2008-11-15T22:26:00.000-08:00

Nov. 14, 2008 6pm

Ok.. I've got good news and bad news.

Good News: There's hope for me.

Bad News: Its going to take time.

I got back from my AAT appt today, with mixed feelings. Mostly because I'm supposed to take these supplements from a company I'm not sure of, with ingredients I'm not sure of, based on arm movement or lack there of, which I'm not sure of. :) I took some today already, and well, that part isn't looking very hopeful, but I'm also not sick as a dog so we'll see how the next few days fare.

He did say that I'm in bad shape, and without some improvement first he doesn't think any AAT treatments will hold. So we're working on getting my body in better shape - namely my spleen & thymus gland, which are supposedly in such bad shape that its surprising they haven't just up and died already. :) My spleen also seems to have a parasitic infection, which I'm to take a supplement to treat.

I did talk him into giving an AAT treatment a shot, so we picked one (just one and only one) food to treat to see if it would hold. I'll be slowly introducing that - onion - over the next few days to see if there is any improvement.

He also tested my endurance to a couple foods that I would have chosen for the AAT treatment, but I supposedly do fine with those foods so no treatment was needed. I'll also be trying those over the next week or so to see how valid that is. :)

But as things are now, there is some hope, and I'm hoping that I'm not reacting to the supplements. *crossing fingers* as there are 5 that I'm taking and several of each every day.

They're all by "Standard Process, Inc."
Spleen PMG
Thymex
Cal-Amo
Zymex II
Multizyme

Each supplement as some scary ingredient, if not more than one, and a couple do have known allergens.. but since he supposedly tested them and I showed no problems with them.. he's confident that I'll do fine with them. For me, the jury is still out. :)

Anyway, thats the update for now. I'm to go back in 3 weeks.

*** Forgot to mention, He said that by getting my spleen & thymus gland into decent shape, that that alone may eliminate or reduce many of my allergies.

************************

7:30pm

I fear that I may be reacting to the supplements already, but I've only taken one dose and I'm quite a bit sleep deprived from the trip anyway.. so its a little difficult to say for certain that its the supplements but I'm suspicious as I had some relatively uncomfortable itching in some not so nice places which may just be circumstantial.

A couple of the supplements though contain almond, and one contains lactose from dairy. With my milk allergy, and a mild almond allergy.. I'm a little concerned about those, but hoping that they won't be an issue.

The poor guy though. I kinda felt sorry for him as he was running all over his office trying to find a supplement that would work for me.. most wouldn't. One even had Rice bran clearly listed, and I was NOT going to be taking that one even if it "passed", which thankfully it didn't.

I've looked up most of what he's given me, and for a few of them Phytopharmica/Integrative Therapeutics makes a relatively similar item. So if worse comes to worse, I may purchase those and take them with me next time for an evaluation on whether they'd work just as well or not. Hopefully it wont come to that though.

************

Nov. 15, 2008 11pm

Thought I'd let you all know.. The supplements went better today, but I'm still a little cautious about it. I talked to a local alt. health guy today, and some of the issues I had yesterday could just be the supplements detoxing my body. So we'll see how things progress from here.

I did experiment with onions today, and it looks like the AAT treatment he did for that might be holding. I'm not sure I can eat them, but I cut up an entire onion today without breathing issues, or runny nose. Of course my eyes got a little irritated, but nothing major like it used to be. So I'll try eating onions in a day or so. Woo Hooo Progress!

Useful Insomnia?

2008-10-15T15:20:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I've had a full blown case of active & persistent insomnia. Sure I've had the zombie, can't sleep but not really awake insomnia. I've had the "maybe I should try reading a book" insomnia. I've even had the "racing thoughts, can't think, distract myself with simple games" insomnia. (I must have more problems with insomnia than I thought.)

But this brand of insomnia is different. This brand of insomnia is a full burst of energy right at bedtime or shortly after, if I'm even tired at bedtime at all. I am a bundle of energy, and when most days I drudge along, a bundle of energy is awesome. Sure not quite so awesome at 12am, but hey whatever helps get the house cleaned right?

But while I'm bursting with energy, I'm also wondering if by being active I'm perpetuating being awake. Ugh. Thankfully I had little scheduled to do today, so I did try to take advantage of the energy while it lasted, but I was still torn as I didn't want to end up sleeping all day today.

So between doing things last night, and catching up on some projects that I'd been putting off due to lack of energy or time, I tried to sit down and rest to see if I got sleepy. No luck on that.

I finally did get sleepy at 7am this morning, and at 7:30 hit the bed and was out. (An extremely rare occurrence).

Rarer still, I woke up after barely over 5 hours of sleep, wide awake and in a relatively good mood.

Sounds great huh? It was. But as usual with my body and allergic reaction symptoms (which all of this is just part of the cycle of allergic reactions), every good is followed by an equally great negative.

As I type this, I'm pretending to not notice the little blips of negative & paranoid-esque thoughts slowly increasing in number in my head.

But the upside I guess, is that I did manage to get some laundry and dishes done.. and still hope to get a little bit of baking done before the down gets into full swing. Wish me luck! :)

My Love-Hate Relationship

2008-10-06T16:02:00.000-07:00

I used to love going Clothes shopping, especially if I had money to buy some clothes. I could spend hours in a store trying everything on, and seeing all the latest styles.

And Now?

I hate clothes shopping! No, I love it. I hate it. I love it.

UGH!

I have been putting off going clothes shopping for months now. The occasional order from OldNavy.com or the occasional picking up an item at Costco not included, I haven't really been clothes shopping for anything since May? maybe longer.

I used to go once or twice every two weeks.

Well the coupon I had for Lane Bryant was nearly expiring so I couldn't put it off much longer, so yesterday I went clothes shopping.

Ooooo Pretty Clothes.. MUST TRY ON!! Ooo More Pretty Clothes! Oooo Pretty Clearance Clothes!

It was a shopping fiesta! Ooo I love shopping!

It didn't hit me right away, thank goodness for the benadryl I took before I went in, so I got a few happy moments possibly an hour of happy shopping before it started to hit me.

Then I looked in the mirror.. My eyes were bloodshot. Sniff.. Yep and my nose was stuffy. Deep breath check.. Cough.. yep gunna have trouble breathing soon.

So I finished up, checked out. I did good.. 4 shirts, 3 shorts, 2 capris for less than $80. (its still shorts weather here btw) So financially I did awesome!

But then I came home, and my eyes itched, my lungs hurt, and I felt like crapola. Ugh, I hate shopping!

So I took a shower, and crawled into some sweat pants and a sweat shirt, and played dead the rest of the night while I popped benadryl every 4 hours.

I'm better today, nearly back to what I was before I went shopping.. except that I gained 2 lbs (corn allergy bloating/swelling) which I somehow have to figure out how to lose them now. Yippee!!

I hate shopping.

My Newest Fast Food

2008-09-22T11:56:00.000-07:00

It's funny to me. Ironic. That I got the idea for this latest fast
food fixing from a 60 year old cookbook.

I am a cookbook-aholic. I admit it, but until recently hadn't looked
into finding old cookbooks. I had a few already from my grandparents,
so I thought I was set.

I have cookbooks from The Silver Spoon, to Culinary Institute, to
Williams-Sonoma that I have found extremely useful in corn-free
cooking and baking. From the simple ideas in my older cookbooks (and
their complete lack of pictures) I really didn't think that older
cookbooks would be very fascinating.

I was at Half-Price Books (local used bookstore) and was looking for a
different book, Persepolis, when I got turned around and ended up
looking in their old & rare book collection. There before me was an
old (& obviously once loved) cookbook. So I picked it up not thinking
to find anything really useful, but curious anyway.

The first place it opened was to the recipe where I got this idea.
Fascinated, I leafed through more of the book and was amazed. There
were pages and pages of ideas of things to do with quick breads,
biscuits, pancakes, and so many varieties of each that I clutched the
book to my chest and didn't let it out of my sight until it was safely
purchased and put in my car.

There are a ton of recipes in this cookbook. Far more than any current
cookbook would dare contain, and the directions are simple and to the
point which I'm sure helped them squeeze so much into so little of a
book.

The book is "The Settlement Cookbook" published in 1949. If you ever
see one, I highly recommend picking it up.

Now to the recipe...

It's honestly extremely simple. Make biscuits, however you make them
with whatever limitations you have. Roll them thin (1/2 inch or less)
and cut with biscuit cutter. In between the cutouts place an already
cooked similarly sized very thin burger or sausage or you could put
chopped meat. Then bake till biscuit is done. Voilà mini-burgers!

I've found these freeze extremely well & do fine reheated in the
micro. Great for breakfast, lunch, or dinner!

Fed-Up with Politics

2008-09-21T14:48:00.000-07:00

For the record, I have a love/hate relationship with Politics. I do love a good discussion and talking politics can sometimes provide that. I also like playing devils advocate, and talking politics can be an awesome venue for that.

Unfortunately, politics also seems to be extremely personal for some people and thus many political discussions devolve into "Yeah, well so is your mother!".. which is one of the things I hate most about politics.

I honestly cannot comprehend why people take politics so personally. Taking them seriously, I get that. But taking someone's disagreement with your point of view as a personal attack.. that I don't understand.

Maybe if someone said "We shouldn't have laws or legislation that helps protect the rights of the food allergic, as they should just die and get out of the gene pool." I might take that personally, maybe. Maybe not. It would probably cross my mind to deck them, and I might even revel in the thought of doing it, but whether I'd act on that urge or take it as a personal attack.. I'm not sure, it would really depend on the situation.

Anyway, what prompted this post, was a series of emails I received with an Anti-McCain/Palin standpoint, from a stanch Obama supporter.

These weren't the normal "my guy believes this, the other guy believes that" type emails. These were dirty, twisted, and in some cases hateful emails. None of the messages were hate directed at me, but hate directed at McCain/Palin as if they were evil incarnate. This person doesn't know McCain/Palin personally, and in the emails there is nothing of real substance, just hateful attacks as if they personally stole this person's lover, ran over their dog, or some other personal evil affront.

That kind of personal hate, I just cannot understand when it comes to politics.

If a person is for something that you're against, of course discuss it, and if needed duke it out. But in politics, if you want peace (and anyone at least half-way mentally stable would) wouldn't you at least try to understand where the other side is coming from, and present to them where you're coming from, before you start in on "You disagree with me, thus you are evil".

One of the big things against Palin, for me & most other women, is that she's against choice in any situation.

But I guess I understand that stance enough to know that she's not anti-people, she's not an evil overlord trying to force herself upon us all.

To people who believe that conception is the start of life, abortion is comparable to executing a 5 yr. old child.

Sure that seems like an overkill comparison, but in truth that is how many who believe that life starts at conception view abortion. Would you not try to put yourself in between an axe and a small child?

That said, unborn babies are just that.. unborn. They need an incubator to live, and that incubator has thoughts, feelings, and rights too.

So no matter how black and white people like to paint things, there will always be a little gray.

Luckily, we have these documents we call the Constitution, and the Bill of Rights. Which tell us that every single one of us has the right to pursue our own happiness and our own religion.

That means, as much as I want the right to believe the way I do and think others should believe what I believe, I don't have the right to make my beliefs law if those beliefs negate someone else's right to their own belief.

So as much as I may not like some peoples choices, they have the right to make them and stand by them. It doesn't make them any more evil than I am. (well unless their choice is to become a serial killer, torture, or something else obviously "wrong" to innocent people - but that goes against our laws anyway).

As it nears election time, and more and more people pick sides, and more lines are drawn in the sand, for me it always boils down to one thing:

Which candidate is true?

I could care less about their religion, their personal beliefs, their family. They could be pro-life, pro-death, pro-whatever.. doesn't matter to me. What does matter is, are they fair? do they have a backbone? are they all talk? are they themselves or just a puppet? do they hold their own strings? if not, who does?

I tend to vote for whomever is constant. If you know where they're going, you know you can fight them on the things you disagree with. If they flit everywhere and are unpredictable, you'll never know what they're doing or what they're planning.. thus you can never arm yourself for battle and will find yourself screwed.

I may just write in Ron Paul.

Bangkok Naptime

2008-09-10T23:42:00.001-07:00

Just an FYI for those wanting to see the film "Bangkok Dangerous".

Do not waste your money! If someone else is paying then maybe.

Plot: assassin grows conscience.

This is mostly action. Some martial arts. Little of anything really to
remark on. Yawn.

Nicolas Cage... If you happen to read this. Never let them style you
hair like that again in a film, unless you're playing a drug addict or
severe social reject. Oh and we all know you can act (at least those
of us who can remember that far back) but can you at least attempt a
film soon which requires it?

If I was handing out stars, I'd say 1. That includes subtracting a
point for Cage looking like an outstanding buffoon during the entire
film which made the dating scenes between him & the smart, educated,
pretty Asian girl unbelievable. She's deaf, not blind.

Sent from my iPhone

Who needs a Rooster?

2008-09-04T09:17:00.001-07:00

My dog lately has been nutty. Aggrivatingly so.

Yesterday was a constant battle in which she acted like the sky was
falling (aka constantly under my feet) to the point of trying to get
us to evacuate the house (literally trying to get me in the car to
drive away). The weather is sunny and we are no where near the
hurricaine weather.

Today she seems to be all ok except one thing. She woke me up.

I absolutely hate being woke up. Partly due to a long history of
people thinking they know better than I do when I've slept "enough",
partly due to the fact that if I don't get a minimum of sleep I'm
sickish all day, and partly due to my tendancy of not being able to
get back to sleep once woken. If emergency, fine wake me. If she
needs to go potty, sure wake me.

But this morning there was no reason to wake me other than she thought
I needed to wake up. M was up (and not left for work yet) and able to
put her out if needed or to get her food, or anything else her little
doggie heart desired.

Unfortunately the one thing her little doggie heart desired was to
wake me up. I never did get back to sleep, and thus feel like zombie
woman this morning.

As for doggie, she's just fine and extremely happy that I resemble
awake. I don't have to get up or let her out. She's perfectly happy
with me sitting in bed reading or typing away on my phone. (though if
I look like I'm dozing off she gets pissy)

She's completely crazy.

-V
Out & About. Sent from my phone.

The Holy Spirit Debacle

2008-08-29T21:57:00.001-07:00

I've been having a debate the last few days with someone online who
insisted that the Holy Spirit is confined only to human bodies. She
claims that the Holy Spirit can only exist inside (live inside)
people. That any external spirit must be of the devil.

Since I'd never heard of such limitations on the Holy Spirit & know of
absolutely no Biblical evidence of this I started a debate (which
turned to an arguement).

This person has of course "left the Internet" due to evil influences
on the net. So I won't be getting any proof of these txts coming my
way (despite great illogical efffort she failed to provide proof), but
I figured she had to have gotten this idea some where.

So if anyone knows where it says these limitations for the Holy Spirit
or the Spirit of God, please feel free to let me know in the comments
here.

-V
Out & About. Sent from my phone.

Wife and children were kept prisoner for three years

2008-08-14T09:36:00.000-07:00

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/us_and_americas/article4528487.ece

Sometimes when I haven't heard any stories like this I find myself
wavering a little on the death pentalty.

But how can you possibly read a story like this and not think, "Kill
the bastard!"

There are some things for which there is no excuse.

-V
Out & About. Sent from my phone.

Murphy Got Me Again

2008-08-11T14:16:00.000-07:00

Today started fantastic. That should have been my first clue. I got up feeling fairly good. I had tons of prepared food in the fridge, so I could snack at leisure. And I decided to try to make some headway on the Corn-Free Foods List.

Just as I finished answering emails, I got a call from a new friend asking me to come over for a lazy afternoon of movies. I thought to myself, "YEAH!!" of course knowing full well that this would mean putting off The List for another day.(Whats one more day in the face of like 6 months?) This is also the first time this lady's invited me over, so yeah I was going to go! She also wanted me to bring my dog for a doggie playdate.

So I start getting showered, and I see my dog shaking violently shaking her head as if she's trying to throw water out of her ears. CRAP! I'm fairly certain its mites, but I couldn't see any, so I set up a vet appt tomorrow just to make sure.

Then I called my friend to tell her that I wasn't bringing my dog because I was afraid my dog would give her dogs something. She sounded disappointed, but hey I was still coming.

So I go out to my car. Throw in the drinks I'm bringing with me (I don't go anywhere without safe water), and my jacket, sit down, and put in the key.. turn.. Nothing! A few lights came on, but the engine did nothing. Of course, now I'm cussing!

Now it was going to be too late to go by the time I got my car fixed, so I called my friend and canceled. She was pretty disappointed, and I'm not sure if she thought I was just making up excuses not to go, or if I really had car trouble.

But Honestly, I can't make this stuff up.

So just as I hang up with her, I get an email from M, which I reply telling him that now I'm not going to my friend's house, cuz the car won't start.

He comes home and gives me a jump.

So I keep the car running and head to my normal Hyundai Service Station. As an afterthought, I give them a call .. a sort of "heads up" if you will. A lady answers the phone, and I say "I need to get my Hyundai in for service." She replies with "We don't service Hyundai anymore" WTF?? At this point, I have to use all my power not to cuss her out, and instead end the call.

Now where to go? Luckily I have my handy dandy iPhone, and pull over (car running) to search for there nearest Hyundai service center. Both are in BFE from me. One way freaking north, and one way freaking south. North is faster to get to, so I call them and ask if they can squeeze me in. Sure, on THURSDAY!!

By this time I'm frustrated beyond words and no longer care if my car drops dead on the side of the road. Sure I like my car, but this is so NOT what I wanted to do today and the attack of Murphy's Law isn't helping me any.

So I remember this one fix-it station that I used to take my old car to a long long time ago. Its close to my house, so I decide "screw it" and drive there. They are of course wall-to-wall working on cars with hardly an empty space in their lot, but by this time I'm not going anywhere else. If my car is going to die, its going to die here. Tough!

So I turn off my car.

Wait a few minutes. (While the service men are looking at me like "Who is the idiot sitting in her hot car?")

Then I turn it on again. She started right up! No problems at all! SURE! The final icing on the cake of today. Nothing wrong with the car at all, just enough mess to make you want to crawl back into bed or hit something very hard with a bat.

Grrrrrrr

I've since turned it on. Off. On. Off. On. Off. Works like a charm.

Somebody somewhere doesn't want me to make friends today.

AAA - Antihistamine Addicts Anonymous

2008-08-05T23:46:00.001-07:00

It's been 5 days, 8 hours, and 36 minutes since my last dose of
compounded benadryl. (Well 5-6 days give or take.) I'm going crazy.

Crazy might seem like a strong word, bit there is no other word for
it, unless you feel like delving into obsessed, neurotic, and lunacy.

Since I have to be off antihistamines for a doctor appt, I've had to
take things careful. That means only leaving the when absolutely
necessary, and only going places where I'm relatively certain not to
get corn-poisoned.

Unfortunately I had to go out last thurs, reacted to something. So I
had to manage it cold turkey, and spent the next two days "under the
weather" detoxing from the allergic reaction which included a lovely
bout of "chicken little" obsessive doomsday depression.

By Monday I was myself again, though some nagging nasal drip &
sneezing remained, I had finally regained my energy! (not to mention
optimism)

Of course that was just in time for me to go to my next "leave the
house" obligation at an establishment with a popcorn popper onsite!
Yeah!

So after 3 days of chest congestion, an extremely vile & persistant
runny nose, watery eyes, and in all other ways feeling like a huge
ball of phlegm, I had one good day before plummeting back into it.

I will say that this detox is much much better than last Friday, but I
still want my meds. I want them now.

Currently I'm in the lovely tired insomniac stage, thus the dark
picture of my bathroom & my lazy posting from bed on my iPhone.

Sleep has to come soon surely. Until then, I'll be sniffling and hoping.

The funniest thing (or saddest)

2008-07-31T11:38:00.000-07:00

I was on my way out of Fry's and running the gauntlet of junk foods,
gadgets, and chocolates when my eye happened across Ghiradeli labeled
bottles.

Once upon a time, not that long ago, Ghiradeli chocolates were a well
respected chocolatier, or at least somewhat. This latest invention
though has put to rest any remaining respect I might still have held
onto since going corn-free (aka no able to actually eat it anymore).

Curious about this "white sauce" they were selling, I picked up the
bottle and read the ingredients hoping to vicariously "taste" the
sauce from the ingredient list. I expected to find milk, sugar,
vanilla, and maybe cocobutter on it. It looked tasty & the Ghiradeli
name made my taste buds water for the last time.

On the back of the bottle was listed the ingredients. I read it
rapidly at first scanning for what I was hoping to see. Of course the
first ingredient was HFCS, so I skimmed further. Maltodextrin. Hmm
nothing yummy there. Artificial flavors & some things I can't
pronounce let alone spell. I skimmed the list again still not finding
an actual tasty ingredient. Puzzled I read it again slower, I was
sure it had to have something to it besides corn & chemicals, but I
found nothing.

Then I laughed. I laughed a cackle not unlike that which brings evil
old ladies and witches to mind. It was an insane laugh & then I smiled.

At least I am no longer one of their fools who just buy crap because
the label says "this is good stuff". I know what's going in my body,
and it isn't any of that.

Funny how close they can make nothing seem like something special.

-V
Out & About - Sent from iPhone

Glade Plugins Are Evil!

2008-07-26T10:17:00.000-07:00

Last night I thought I'd be brave & try to go to a new friends house for a movie night. It wasn't too far away & since I don't have many friends here I've been trying to work on getting out & being social. This group we're both in was doing a movie & pizza night (without popcorn) so I thought I'd chance it.

I figured it's a short drive & since she knew vaguely of my allergies I wouldn't offend her if I had to leave early or if I reqested something like blowing out candles or whatever. Mostly we all had been meeting at neutral places such as bookstores & eateries that don't serve much corny stuff.

Anyway all was great as we sat outside & chatted (& they ate). But then the movie started & we went inside. I noticed a vanilla scent & secretly tried to find the source, when I saw some candles were lit in the corner I asked her if they were the source of the scent & she said yes & was very ok if I needed them blown out. She's really nice.

Unfortunately, either she forgot or most likely didn't think about it (I think if she'd have known she'd have unplugged it), there was a Glade Plugin in the corner of the room which really was the source of the scent. I of course didn't notice it there until the movie was about over & until then couldn't for the life of me figure out why my nose kept running & my breathing was getting labored. We were watching a teary chick flick as well so watery eyes & runny nose could partly be from that, so I kept debating "Am I reacting? or just enjoying the movie?". Anyway the lights were dimmed & when I finally noticed enough chest congestion that I KNEW it was a definite reaction I looked around more carefully and saw the glowing plugin & muttered cuss words in my head. 5 mins of the movie left, most of the damage was already done so I just waited for the movie to end & politely ran out. Omg fresh air was never so GOOD!

I got through last night with some prednisone & still having lung trouble (among other things - thermometer says 96.8 - crazy) today, but hoping benadryl takes care of it. If not I guess more prednisone.

(see more comments @ Delphi "Avoiding Corn" Forum)

Some Days!

2008-07-24T13:10:00.000-07:00

Some days I really dislike my dog. Despite what the photo shows I just
vaccumed yesterday & it looked pretty nice still today until I let the
dog in and went into my office to answer the pile of emails that built
up yesterday.

I was in my office maybe an hour? I come out to the living room &
voilà!

Dirt dirt everywhere!

So not happy with puppy right now!

A New Game

2008-07-21T13:21:00.000-07:00

I've been playing a new game online & since I'm "hosting" this months edition of it, I thought I'd share it here with you to see if any of you are up to the challenge.

In the empty space on that table in the picture is placed a "Mystery Item". It cannot be fully concealed if you held it in both hands, but it isn't much larger than that.

Please feel free to guess the item by using the comments feature below. Good Luck!

New Stuff

2008-07-21T12:33:00.000-07:00

Well believe it or not, I've now joined the official ranks of the "Technology Yuppies" with a purchase of an iPhone.

Ok, so now that they're all cheaper, its not so much of a yuppy thing though I do have the 16gig one.

So this passed weekend, amid some major brainfog, I got an iPhone, signed up for a MobileMe free trial (which so far is sucking, but stay tuned), updated to Leopard (for some reason is required for MobileMe?), and am now trying to get my MAC back into where it was.

Of course the look of everything is different, which of course bugs me. :)

But so far so good. The phone is awesome btw.

Just a couple complaints.

iPhone - Addresses in calendar - like events you're going to, and other things, you can't click on them to bring up the map program (aka map it). You instead have to remember the addy and then open map and enter it in manually.

iPhone - Email - you can email photos, if you go to your camera or photos, go through a couple screens, click the photo, click another thing to click there to attach it to an email. However, you cannot attach anything to an email from the actual email programme. Odd.

MobileMe - Does not sync pictures. So you still have to sync your phone to your computer. Then you can buy iPhoto 08 (known as the iLife 08 package $99) in order to easily use the MobileMe picture album thing on your iPhone, in which you then can send pictures one by one to your MobileMe album. Easier - just use friggin Flickr.

Anyway, I haven't quite figured out the in's and out's of everything yet, but it seems every time I want to do something easily.. I can't.

Oh and YAHOO - Friggin make a real chat app for iPhone. AOL has. It can't be THAT hard.

ok.. I'm done. For now. :)

Too much computer learning lately, and all while I was brain foggy.. so it might actually be easier than I let on. Who knows.

Getting Better - Getting Worse

2008-04-07T22:20:00.000-07:00

Well I'm not sure when it happened.. but I seem to be getting better and not reacting as violently to minor corn/allergy infractions.. Though I still react some.

But the changes in my reactions are a little irritating, in that I really have to be ON MY TOES. And I should listen to my intuition more than I have been.

Anyway, a few weeks ago I decided to trial some organic grapes from Africa. It went exceedingly well. So I was encouraged that I wasn't allergic to actual grapes, or at least not hypersensitive to the molds on them.

Then I saw at Costco, Dole grapes. Yes I know.. Dole is a really unreliable brand, but the package clearly listed that they were treated with sulfur dioxide.. and since I've had sulfur dioxide without issues.. I thought .. well I'd take a chance.

I ate them Saturday.. a bunch.. and had a little problem.. maybe.. wasn't sure.. kinda sure.. but maybe not.

So I ate more on Sunday.. figured why waste good grapes.. and since I wasn't completely sure I reacted.. I thought I'd try again and see. Nothing major, a little issues.. pretty sure was grapes, but not totally as I did go out and was around corn chips earlier in the evening.

So since I still had grapes on hand today.. I thought well maybe I'll try them again and see. About 2 hours later.. after doing nothing. From the time I ate the grapes til 2 hours later, I'd been sitting on the couch watching tv with hubby and I was playing a stupid "slots" game on Pogo. Nothing taxing, and nothing that would upset me or trigger me to be upset.

So anyway, 2 hours later after the grapes, I started fretting. No reason. Nothing had changed and honestly nothing to fret over. But I was fretting, and honestly it felt like I was trying to find something to fret about. And my heart got racing, and I had a little feeling like something was on my chest.. and I started to panic. About nothing. Sure thoughts flowed through my mind like "if we had more money we could" or "if this.. then this" kinds of things, but each was purely insane, untriggered, and each I knew was completely nothing to worry about. But I was worrying about it anyway, and I couldn't figure out why (which honestly didn't help matters any).

Anyway, things like this I note in my food journal, so I picked up my journal to write it down and took a couple benadryl to hope that it was an allergic reaction and not me becoming nutz. Then I decided to check the last couple nights to see if I'd noted something similar.. and sure enough.. around 2 hours both nights after eating the grapes, I'd noted "mild feelings of panic". The benadryl kicked in shortly and the panic slowly subsided. (Thank God for Benadryl)

I remember though the last time I tried grapes a few years ago, and my allergic reactions were not mild.. but very violent with a lot of digestive problems.

So while it seems I am getting better... I'm also not sure I like it. I almost prefer feeling like I've got the flu to feeling like I'm going crazy or having a panic attack. But I suppose if this is the way to eventually being healthy, and possibly adding some foods back in in the future.. I guess I'll just have to grin and bear it. I just don't need any help feeling looney. :)

If you can't stand the heat..

2008-04-02T21:19:00.000-07:00

*begin rant*

I am irritated. Making new local friends is not easy.

Making new local friends who have interests in common other than food and eating out, is even harder.

Making new local friends who have interests in common other than eating out, and want new local friends themselves.. is rarer yet.

Making new local friends, who have interests in common other than eating out, want new local friends themselves, and who can deal with a little craziness.. Impossible.

Taking food out of the equation eliminates a good 70% of the population, as most people aren't going to want to just hang out and chat without food. And food here in Austin, usually means corn chips and salsa (not always but generally), and since I (corn allergy) can't be around people eating corn chips.. well.. this isn't an option.

Which leaves other things that don't require food. Meeting at a bar for drinks, book clubs, writing clubs, and maybe bowling if I could find a bowling alley that doesn't pop popcorn.

Anyway, I'm having a little pity party.. you're all invited of course. The decor is all up and pretty.. with dark walls, clouds, and those eerie streams of moonlight.

Luckily I have friends from back when I was crazy all the time, who get me (or at least are used to the crazy) and like me any way.

But it seems no matter what I do anymore, I manage to piss the new friends off. !?!?!?!!??!!! I just don't get it, but in a way I don't really care either.

I used to be a huge people pleaser. I would find out what people wanted in a friend, and change myself to be that. I would alter beliefs, feelings, likes, dislikes, speech patterns, terminology, etc. Almost a head to toe make over, while retaining just enough me. Even some of my real friends, with whom I never had to be anything but myself, noticed that I'd completely change in other people's company.

Thank God that craziness is over!

And now if I have to bend over backwards to be something I'm not, in order to be someone's friend? Ain't going to happen. I could be alone for 10 yrs on a desert island, still wouldn't happen.

So, if you can't handle proverbial the heat of my fire, get your ass out of my proverbial kitchen.

*end rant*

Gigio-Meter

2008-04-02T00:18:00.000-07:00

I always wondered just exactly what I could charge if I should ever actually become a whore. I guess, now I know?

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Sunshine, Shining On Me!

2008-03-23T22:24:00.000-07:00

"Blue skies smiling at me, nothing but blue skies will I see" - Blue Skies lyrics by Les Paul.

Oh to feel good again. Since my last post, it has been an awful few days, as this has probably been the worst allergic reaction in quite a while.

Thursday was spent in a completely haze of zombie. I roughly remember getting up and going for a walk (previous obligation which I decided I had to uphold). I'm fairly certain that I wasn't very good walking company as I'm not sure I held up my end of any conversation. I vaguely remember her attempting to start conversations, and me using all my energy to reply back. The rest of the day was autopilot in between 3-4 hour naps. I was stressed out, panicking about friends, relationships, life, mistakes I made years ago suddenly being of the utmost importance.. and depression that I would never get it all fixed, or could never overcome it.

Friday, I woke with extreme pain. The type of pain is hard to describe, but somewhere between being thrown down a flight of stairs and being hit by a truck, with your insides feeling like they were on fire. No matter what I ate, what drugs I tried, heating pad or no, nothing helped. If I remained in one position too long, the pain would increase. Even breathing hurt. Shallow breaths were ok, but still caused minor pain. Deep breaths were akin to stabbing myself in the ribcage. Thankfully by Friday night this calmed down to a dull ache. On top of all this, I was still depressed and on the verge of tears.

Saturday was more of the same only less. Fortunately the pain subsided enough for me to attend a writers meeting. It was good to get out of the house, but my depression was bad enough that had someone said "Boo" to me I'm sure I'd have broken down in tears. Deep breaths were still painful, but at least I could move without wanting to die.

Sunday.. Today was pretty good. A little depressed when I woke, and some nagging negativity. But the pain was almost gone, just a little remains when I breathe deep. The remaining pain seems to be due to having crap in my lungs, which I'm hoping will go away tomorrow. The depression has lifted (HURRAY!) and I'm regaining my energy and hopefullness!

Maybe I will remember this, the next time I decide to test my allergens.

Hazy Days

2008-03-19T22:06:00.000-07:00

I had been doing really really good this week at sticking to my allergy-free diet and only eating things that I was 100% sure about. And the improvements were starting to show, I was slowly regaining my sleep schedule, my energy.. I was finally losing the edema (lost nearly 4lbs in 4 days) and regaining my concentration and my mood was improving.

So I should have kept at it, and remained strict to a fault.

Instead, at the Kosher store, there were some KFP (Kosher for Passover) Ringles, which are somewhat like Funyuns, in BBQ flavor that I just had to try. The BBQ flavor of course contains a little bit of onion/garlic to which I am mildly allergic, but I really miss having flavor on my chips/snacks. So I wanted to see if I could tolerate them.

It went pretty well. They were yummy and I was hungry so I ate almost the entire bag. Then I waited for symptoms to set in. I waited. Waited some more. Then figured all was fine and I was home-free.

What totally slipped my mind, was that my onion allergic reactions (ingestion) are almost always delayed. Sure initially the food tastes awesome, and I don't generally have any other reaction right away other than "THIS STUFF IS INCREDIBLE" or maybe the sniffles. But about 2-4 hours later, the sleepiness sets in, the brainfog, the chest congestion, nasal congestion, headache, and the complete inability to concentrate or remember what it was I was supposed to be doing.

I was actually talking to an old friend that I hadn't spoken to in years, when I noticed the first signs sinking in. I thought of course that maybe it was just the small talk getting to me, and that I was bored. So I ignored it, but my ability to concentrate enough to be engaged in the conversation was proving difficult. Luckily it was around the end of the conversation anyway, so no biggie. The funny thing was though that I was telling him how much better I'm doing now. HA HA HA Gotta love the irony.

So right now, I'm sitting here waiting for the benadryl to kick in typing slowly and attempting to make sense. (It's taken me about 30 minutes to write this, btw because I keep having to stop to remember what I was trying to say and where I was going with this, plus to re-read it and make sure I didn't type some sentence like "I shoulder ran hopscotch here.") But I think I'm going to go lay down, cuz the room is starting to spin as if I've had waaay to much to drink.

So much for my good week.

(oh and I'm typing this and posting it, so maybe I'll remember not to be a freaking idiot again.)

-- PS: Note to Self: May have lost a friend because my allergy-altered mind decided to say some stuff in such an off-color way that said friend is considering no longer talking to me. Only the "allergy-altered-you" could possibly misword "I really cherish our friendship, and respect what you're doing" into a insult. So lay off the onion, Idiot!

You're only as good as your worst Musician

2008-03-18T22:35:00.000-07:00

I try hard not to stereotype people based on their looks, and given my past, I think I do a fairly good job of it.

So tonight, when a large African-American male stepped onto the stage in dreadlocks holding an electric violin, I honestly was very intrigued and ready to listen to what I thought might be an interesting performance.

All the previous performers had been fairly ok, so I thought this might be good. He began by playing a few notes for the backup band (drums, sax, 2 guitars, harmonica), to get them to understand his song well enough to jam to it.

Initially when he started playing, I thought that maybe he just needed to warm up and that the song and playing would get better.

Unfortunately, I was very very wrong.

The more he played, the worse it got. At first, it was merely out of tune. Then it progressed into everyone being out of tune (I mean this is a GOOD back up band, so when they were all out of tune it was rather scary). Then things got worse. The guy kept playing, and so the band kept plugging along trying to follow him. As the song progressed, not only was the audience wondering WTF, but you could tell the band was thinking that as well (as they struggled to find the melody with which to harmonize). The guy just kept going as if completely tone deaf (he didn't look drunk or drugged, in case you were wondering), and developed an appalling lack of rhythm, which did not help things with the band at all.

The song went on for over 5 minutes which felt like 5 hours of listing to cats screaming with nails on the chalkboard as backup music. The guy unfortunately had two songs, and this was only the first one.

I've never felt sorrier for a backup band in my life, and I will surely have a deep seated fear of black men with dreadlocks playing violin.

No Orgies Here

2008-03-17T23:01:00.001-07:00

As I previously posted, today has been an odd day. And I'm obviously in an odd mood. So this is off-humor, so you're warned.

I was chatting online with a friend, when I decided I needed to get busy cleaning house. Which I honestly really need to get done. Well when pressed about it, I said; "Well if I clean well enough, I can invite people over for an orgy."

To which they replied, "Oh yeah, that sounds exactly like YOU!"

Needless to say (but I'm going to anyway) I didn't end up leaving IM. Instead we continued talking for quite a while later, and then I accused them of trapping me in chat:

V: you know I still ain't got no cleaning done
SF: i know...unless you got some loooooooog fingers...which might prove useful for the orgy
V: lol
V: you just don't want me to have an orgy, thats it
SF: no...i want to be invited and be able to go
V: LOL
SF: but since i cant..nobody's going

Ah, the simple entertainment of a couple beers with good friends, in which anything goes without skipping a beat.

Odd stuff for Today

2008-03-17T17:52:00.000-07:00

Most of my days are odd in some fashion anyway, but alas today is a little different. Mostly, as I finally have the opportunity to go out, and do whatever.. but I have nothing to do (and little motivation).

Instead I have songs running through my head:

(One More Try - George Michael)

"I'm looking out for angels
Just trying to find some peace
Now I think it's time
That you let me know
So if you love me
Say you love me
But if you don't just let me go...

'Cos teacher
There are things that I don't want to learn
And the last one I had
Made me cry
So I don't want to learn to
Hold you, touch you
Think that you're mine
Because it ain't no joy
For an uptown boy
Whose teacher has told him goodbye, goodbye, goodbye"

(Crazy On You - Heart)
"My love is the evenin' breeze touchin' your skin
The gentle, sweet singin' of leaves in the wind
The whisper that calls after you in the night
And kisses your ear in the early moonlight
And you don't need to wonder, you're doing fine
My love, the pleasure's mine

Let me go crazy on ya
Crazy on you
Let me go crazy, crazy on you, ohhh"

(All By Myself - ?)
"When I was young, I never needed anyone
And making love was just for fun
Those days are gone

Living alone, I think of all the friends I've known
But when I dial the telephone
Nobody's home

All by myself, I don't want to be
All by myself...anymore
All by myself, I don't want to live
All by myself...anymore"

(Even Now - Barry Manilow)
"When theres someone else who cares
When theres someone home whos waiting just for me
Even now I think about you as Im climbing up the stairs
And I wonder what to do so she wont see
That even now...

Even now I wakeup crying in the middle of the night
And I cant believe it still could hurt so bad..

Even now when I come shining through
I swear I think of you
And how I wish you knew
Even now"

Its been a Crazy on you kinda day, with loud Acapella singing, and strange songs popping into my head. Probably a good thing not to take it out into the public.

Hillary Supporters Hilarity

2008-03-13T22:55:00.000-07:00

I have to thank Ratnest for putting a heads up about this on his blog. Its too funny not to pass along.

Due to recommendation of others who've seen this at The New Editor, Please Use Caution: May be hazardous to your health, please check with your doctor before watching.

I found it immensely funny (and maybe a little misogynistic?) that they think a woman should clean the White House, and even more hilarious that they recommend Hillary. I'll just skip over the complete lack of talent that makes them all look like loonies.

I could be a porn star! (and so could you).

2008-03-11T00:52:00.000-07:00

You have to thank Ratnest for this. This is the most hilarious call to arms.. er.. porn that I've ever seen. Yes, I could be a porn star! :)

How Do You Love?

2008-03-11T00:42:00.000-07:00

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Acts of Service
with a secondary love language being
Words of Affirmation.

Complete set of results

Acts of Service:		10
Words of Affirmation:		7
Quality Time:		6
Receiving Gifts:		4
Physical Touch:		3

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

My Newest Toy

2008-03-11T00:15:00.001-07:00

Its been some time since I've posted on here, so I thought what the hey.. But what should I post about? Exactly what have I been doing?

Well.. I'm attempting to get out and meet people here locally. And while I could post for days about some of the people I've met, I'd rather not scare them off (or insult anyone) yet. I'll save that for when they love me enough to forgive me for anything. :)

I've also been attempting to write a book, and even joined a group in hopes that maybe they might challenge me enough to stay on task. (yes I know I have high expectations.)

I also have been "buying and selling" my friends on Facebook, though I do have some cash flow issues there. Some of the people I really want to own, are so far above my pocketbook range that it will take me months if not years to finally own them at their current price.

So what I've decided is to post about my newest toy. The Daily Plate. While for most of you, this isn't going to be a huge "oh boy, this is fun" kinda site, for me its kinda interesting.

You can plug in your weight, and it charts it for you. So you can see the rise (eek) and fall (Yippee) of your weight at a glance.

You can also input your foods from the day, and it adds up how many calories, fat, carbs, etc. that you ate that day. Then you can see charts about how many carbs vs protein, and your calorie intake over the week.

It honestly is a TON of fun, or I'm more severely bored than I thought. You decide. (but if you decide I'm bored, then its your turn to entertain me, so get crackin!)

Stop the Spying Protest

2008-01-25T00:10:00.000-08:00

If you're concerned about your privacy.. Please join the protest.

Liz Henry's "Photo Protest" blog entry really got my attention and I hope to be contributing my own photo soon, if technology doesn't fail me.

The photo protest can be found on Flickr.com "Stop the Spying"

Odd Day

2008-01-21T22:58:00.000-08:00

I really shouldn't title this "Odd Day" as today hasn't been that odd. I'm just in an odd mood today.

Actually the mood isn't that odd either. So ok the title is ALL wrong.. sue me.

Anyone, who has talked to me for any length of time on a personal level, knows that I've been struggling lately (if lately means last several years anyway) with the direction that my life has taken.

Part of this has been my choices, and part of this has been choices thrust upon me.

Nevertheless, I've been in a quandry. Everytime I think I'm making a good decision to go one path, something happens to make me doubt that choice and wonder if I should switch paths again. Life really should have a road map. If you want to be HERE, follow this road. Though knowning me, I'd probably use that map, get to the "HERE" and still think I made the wrong choice and want to go "THERE" instead.

Today has narrowed down some choices for me. Which when someone mentioned wine to me earlier tonight, I remembered the untouched stock of wines I had, I decided tonight was a good to partake in some.

So now I sit here drinking a French wine, while nibbling on French cheese, (Which sounds much more snooty than it looks btw) trying to wrap my head around my potential futures.

Today I saw my allergist. He's the first of many in a long line of doctors who actually believes me about my struggles and reactions to foods. He even flat out told me that I probably know better than him about my reactions and the consequences, and which foods are most problematic and how to avoid them. This was encouraging to me, as at least he believes me which is a HUGE step in the right direction.

Unfortunately, this was followed by a confirmation from him that I would be saddled with my current restricted diet FOREVER. It's not like I didn't already know it, or that I thought that he would have some solution, but it was hearing it from my doctor that really hit home.

So now I'm trying to plan a life with these restrictions, wondering to myself how strong I am, how much of this I can do on my own, what other limitations is this going to include, and how long can I keep this up?

While I wonder, I'm drinking a glass of wine and eating cheese in hope of drowning out reality for just a little while.

Its a sad day for me, but I'll bounce back tomorrow. Tonight though I just need to mourn for the options I've lost, and hold tight onto the little thread of hope that refuses to die.

Evil Vampiress

2008-01-17T16:07:00.000-08:00

Unfortunately this is only half-right. As I'd only feed on those that really needed to die to improve humanity (serial rapists, serial killers, and such), but the rest is pretty on target. *grins evilly*

What Fictional Vampire Archtype are You?

You are the Bloody Siren. Vain, selfish, sexual fantasy, you lure mortal men to their dark end. You are sex and illusion and you use up men to feed your wicked desires until they surrender to you their last, crimson drop.
Take this quiz!

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Temper Tantrums

2008-01-08T12:33:00.000-08:00

Anyone who says that dogs don't have personalities is full of poo.

Right now, our dog is throwing a temper tantrum and I have no idea why or what she hopes to gain.

Our dog is a very intelligent, border collie mutt. The only thing we're sure of is that she's border collie, but what else is in there is rather a mystery. She could be a pure breed for all we know, as we rescued her from the Pound.

Over the years, we've come to an agreement. She gets what she wants, and she doesn't make messes, release bodily fluids in the house, and for the most part does what she's told.

Unfortunately, today's issue comes under the category of "WTF does she want?"

I got up today, and my husband had put the dog in the bedroom. When he does this, its usually because the dog has refused to go outside, or its storming, or lawn people are going to be mowing the lawn.

Well its not storming. Its bright and sunny. Its also January, so no lawn people.

So that leaves attitudal dog, so I assume the tantrum she's pulling now is the same tantrum she pulled with him earlier today.

She is quite serious in her desire though, and let me explain.

Our dog has an intense trepidation of the linoleum tiles in our kitchen that extend all the way to the garage door. She only travels them for food, or if we're in the kitchen and its storming badly that she's scared to be alone. Otherwise, she doesn't venture that far onto the tiles, even if we have the garage door open and are trying to coax her into the car.

When I got up and went into the kitchen to fix myself something to eat, she went and planted herself at the garage door. She not only quickly traveled over the scary tiles, but she stayed at the door to the garage in the oasis of scary tile and wouldn't move. So obviously she wanted in the garage, but I had no idea what in the world she wanted in the garage to do. (She never wants in the garage.)

Well I needed to take out the recyclables, so I opened the door to the garage and into the garage she went. She wanted me to follow her, but I finished my task first. I tried to get her back into the house, but she wasn't coming.

So I asked her what she wanted, and followed her. She wants in the car, and since she can't talk I have no idea where she wants me to take her.

Places we take her in the car:
Nebraska - to my parents
Vet - pretty certain she doesn't want to go there
Work - sometimes Morten takes her to work, but he hasn't done that in a long time.

So maybe she wants to go back to Nebraska? Its been 8 days that we've been back, so we're not heading up there any day soon. And when we were up there, after 36 hours she was ready to come home. At 72 hours, she was begging us to go.

She doesn't take "no" very well as an answer when she wants something this badly, so I'm not sure what I'm going to do with her other than physically put her outside and hope her fascination passes.

Right now, as I type this though.. She's sitting in the garage with the door open to the house. She can come into the house at any time, but she is still sitting in there. I don't even think I could get her to willingly come in for some steak. *Sighs* I wish I knew what she really was trying to tell me.

I suppose I better go drag her out.

Eeek Rising Food Costs!

2007-12-11T23:34:00.000-08:00

Corn Prices are rising, and the sky is falling!

In what seems to be the new trend, magazines and blogs all over are falling prey to the hype that ethanol is going to make food so costly that we're all going to end up starving.

To add a little more common sense to the panic stream, a very well written article at The Ethicurean on "Who wins, and who whines, when corn prices rise" gives a little more perspective to a growing panic.

So if you're worried about the pending increase in food costs, you should read this article. With everything, there is always two sides to the story and its best to know all sides.

As for me, since I don't eat corn-fed or corn-derived products.. I really don't see this impacting me a whole lot, unless everyone starts buying up all the grass-fed meats and leaving me none. :)

Just Ask V

2007-11-14T14:35:00.000-08:00

For a long time (as long as I can remember) people have come to me for advice. As with anyone, sometimes its good advice, sometimes its great advice and sometimes its just plain rotten advice.

Or so I thought.

Last night I got a question from a friend which made me wonder if the "cosmos" had something else in mind for me.

But before I get to the question, let me preface it by explaining some of my basis for this wonderment.

Earlier yesterday, I recieved a skills/interest study result which proclaimed that I should really pursue three different areas of study. Counceling (no duh), Fashion (wtf?), and *drumroll* becoming a Religious Leader.

The result of Religious Leader caused me a whole lot of giggles and laughter. For years, I'd been facetiously claiming that I needed to start my own religion. From making fun of Global Warming, to half-seriously considering a religion based in corn avoidance.. Starting a cult has been a running joke.

So to see in text from a respected skills/interest survey, that I should indeed consider this Religious Leader fascination.. Really had me rolling.

Then came this conversation.. which made me stop and wonder if maybe I not only had the power to be a Religious Leader, but maybe I could in fact become a "God" myself...

My friend, in all seriousness, asked me this. (quotes as close to verbatim as possible) We had been talking about shoes.

"On that note, You know I've been meaning to ask you something, because I know you'll most likely know the answer... Lately, I've been driving down the road and I see on the side of the road, one shoe. Just one shoe..."

At this point I interrupt her with "Seriously? This is the answer you think I'M going to KNOW?"

She responds in all seriousness, "I haven't got to the question yet. And yes"

(I and anyone else knows where this is going, so to be polite I let her finish, but I'm laughing anyway)

"So I see these shoes on the side of the road. Just one adult sized shoe. The left shoe. And I was wondering if you knew why?"

Her tone was that of complete seriousness, as if she just asked me if I knew why they used yeast in bread, or who was the first President of the USA.

So I'm thinking to myself.. Ok.. WHY in the world would someone think that "I" would know why adults in Nebraska (I live in Austin) would throw their left shoe out the window of their car.

My only conclusion is that people really do think I'm a God (or have a very special information relationship with Him) or they're insane... in which this "God" thing might actually work.

Seriously, I didn't need any more fuel for that fire. :)

King Corn: Movie Review

2007-11-12T23:38:00.000-08:00

I finally got to see the movie, King Corn, on Sunday. It was interesting and had a fair amount of humor. It definitely wasn't boring.

It also wasn't as hard hitting as I expected, nor did it get into all the different derivatives that are made from corn.

It was a rather cursory overview of corn farming and where that corn goes, which I'm certain is quite eye opening to many people across the nation who aren't very in touch with America's corporate farming roots. It also touched on heath issues caused by overindulging in corn, both for humans and animals.

Since I've been researching corn, corn syrup, subsidies, etc for quite a while now, most of the movie was pretty elementary for me.

The one thing I did find educational and highly amusing was the portion of the movie focused on Ian and Curt's attempt to make corn syrup in their kitchen. (Since they couldn't get a film tour of a corn syrup refinery.) Anyone who thinks that corn syrup is "natural" really needs to see that part of the movie. I'm not exactly sure what was added to the corn to make syrup, and maybe Curt and Ian can give us the recipe? A couple of the ingredients they added looked like poison, and the directions for making it were very long and involved. Not exactly what I'd consider "natural".

This movie is still a "must-see" in my book, and something that I plan to buy if it comes out on DVD. I will probably buy several copies and give them out as Christmas gifts. That way my friends and family can have visual proof of the things I've been trying to say for years now. :)

Change isn't going to happen overnight, but with books, movies, and public demand, maybe we can get the ball rolling a little faster.

ShortPacked Comic - Anti-Semitic

2007-11-11T10:29:00.000-08:00

It's been bugging me all week. Sitting in the back of mind, haunting me during idle moments.

I like to think I'm open minded and forgiving of others opinions and biases, and I've tried all week to read this comic with rose colored glasses. Unfortunately, I cannot find a tint of rose-colored glass that covers over the glaringly anti-jewish statement.

The thing is David Willis could have stopped at "like Abe Rosenberg, Israel Finkelstein" Or he could have added "and others", but instead he wrote "Jacob McJewLastName" thus labeling all writers in the strike as Jews as if their ancestry/beliefs had anything to do with it.

There are times that people mis-speak, or absentmindly let their biases take over, but I don't consider this one of those times. I also believe that people should have a right to their views as well.

But I also have a right to mine.

And that is why I'll not be reading ShortPacked! or any other David Willis comics ever again.

King Corn

2007-11-07T16:14:00.000-08:00

King Corn is coming to a theatre near you (hopefully) so look for it. If its not coming to a theatre near you, pester your local cinema to get it.

I haven't seen the film yet, but it's really bringing a lot of education to the world (USA at least) about the overuse of corn in our diets. (Yeah!!!)

The makers of King Corn are also doing a "Corn-Free Challenge" for the month of November, which I enourage everyone to at least attempt to do as much as they can.

Its not an easy feat, but it will definitely be a good experience, not to mention the health benefits.. because you can't really do corn-free and eat junkfood.

My IQ

2007-10-11T01:05:00.000-07:00

Yes I am a genius, you may bow to me now. :) jk.

Name that Drug

2007-10-01T15:52:00.001-07:00

Because today seems to be "How can I possibly waste all my time?" I decided to take this drug test. Disclaimer: Despite my ranking, I have never used drugs. Just thought I'd put that out there.

This drug test though was very informative and I'd definitely recommend it for parents to learn more about the drugs out there and signs to look for in their children. It's a great learning tool, and kinda fun as well.

NameThatDrug.com - Test your drug knowledge

How dumb are you?

2007-10-01T15:18:00.001-07:00

Am-I-Dumb.com - Intelligence Test

I don't even want to know (or admit?) which questions I got wrong.

I wanna be a Popstar too..

2007-10-01T15:07:00.000-07:00

This was too funny not to post here..

If that doesn't work, click here to go to YouTube: Spoof - Popstar

My Dream Home

2007-09-29T11:53:00.000-07:00

Referred to this "dream home" planner by Howard Tayer of Schlock Mercenary, I decided to give it a go. You know cats & curiosity.

I have to say that its not too far off.. though I'd replace the Ferrari's with a variety of cars ranging from a Hummer, to sports cars, to ecological cars... so that I'd have one to fit whatever mood I was in that day. The dog would probably be a border collie or something similar. I will never own a doberman. (oh and I have no idea what "Rich Man, Poor Man" is.)

To see my dream home plans.. Magic Magnate's Manor.

Drama

2007-09-28T23:57:00.000-07:00

I hate having to eat my words. Earlier today before I left the house to run some errands (ok, I went shopping). I sent a message to an old friend about how much less drama my life has now.

I should have known to cross my fingers when I hit send.

While I'm out shopping, my husband calls and says he can't get to the house because its blocked off by the police. So he asks an officer if he can get into the house, they said no, but wouldn't tell him what was going on. He also saw a SWAT team getting out and ready for action. So he went back to work, and told me to call him when I went home if I could get in.

So about a half hour later, I'm done shopping (yeah like I'm ever really done) and I went home to check on things. Neighbors, which I've never met, are standing out on the corner just outside the taped off areas talking.

Everything is still cordoned off, so I can't get to our house.. though I can see it clearly and there are cops, and cop cars, and lights flashing. Seriously it looked like our house was under arrest.

So I ask the people gathered on the corner watching the action.. "Do you know whats going on?"

Evidently, a kid (male) was mentally disturbed.. rumored to be bipolar.. and had locked himself up in his house with a gun. The father supposedly got out and called the police.

I don't know any of these people, and honestly I'm a little glad that I haven't taken the time to get to know all my neighbors after this incident. :)

I'd left the house at 4pm, and we finally sneaked into the house after parking the cars a block or so away at around 8:45pm. I was starving and starting to panic about not being able to eat as I cannot eat out due to multiple food allergies. I even went to Whole Foods to pick up a can of tuna and a can opener. :)

And our poor dog.. When we got home, we found her hiding under the back deck scared. Evidently, sirens and flashing lights is too much drama for her as well.

The flashing lights and drama cleared up around 10pm. Which we finally could go get our cars and park them at the house.

So much for being drama-free. This just isn't something you'd expect in our neighborhood. I lived in Chicago in a newly reformed crackhead neighborhood without this kinda drama, but in a rural upscale neighborhood in Austin ? The scene was just so out of place all I could do was laugh. I wish I'd have taken pictures. :)

New Insight into Gay Marriage

2007-08-12T23:32:00.000-07:00

Again Schlock Mercenary comic, Howard Tayler has pointed me... ok, he indirectly referenced a comic strip... which I began reading.

I think I'd probably enjoy the comic more if I was male and a child of the 80's, but David Willis has a few "LOL" strips in the SHORTPACKED mix for all persons of any age (ok, any age that lived through the 80's).

One strip though caught my eye. It's not entirely "LOL" funny, but its definitely a new conspiracy theory twist on Gay Marriage.

Definitely, a mind that would make even a persistent pessimist envious.

Who to vote for?

2007-08-02T01:26:00.000-07:00

On a Delphi Forums group, someone posted this handy-dandy test to take in order to pick which candidate to vote for.

Minnesota Public Radio: Select a Candidate 2008

Unfortunately I had to have done something really wrong, as I ended up with John McCain as the one to vote for..

Scary Stuff.

Texas moves to England

2007-07-27T01:52:00.000-07:00

Can someone stop the RAIN!!! Seriously, enough already.

During spring, it was nice. "Oooo I don't have to water the plants. YEAH!"

But I realized today, that I hadn't seen sunshine all freaking week.

My lawn is starting to look like a swamp. No.. my yard isn't flooding and we're not in a flood plane. Half of Austin would have to be completely UNDERWATER for us to have flooding. But that doesn't mean that the poor soil doesn't "squish" and release a puddle of water when you step on it.

I will say though that the oranges on my orange tree have never looked bigger, but dang it, I wanna see some sun!

One of the benefits of living in Texas is supposed to be the sunshine, and nearly constant sunshine during the summer. Its summer, and its not suppose to feel like an English Summer. I didn't move to London. I moved to Austin.. TEXAS.

So you global warming people stop hoarding my sun, and give it back! I'll even throw some clouds in on the exchange! :)

Traveling Back in Time

2007-07-23T00:31:00.001-07:00

I was doing my daily addiction (reading Schlock Mercenary Comic) when I saw Howard Tayler made a blog reference to Weregeek Comic.

So being the geek-wannabe that I am, I went to go check it out. The first "strip" of it that I saw caught my attention.

"OOooo must know more.. what is this Weregeek?"

So I went to the begining of Weregeek's strips and began reading. I read, and read, and read. Ooo this is fun!

It was a total travel back in time. The "new geek friends" he makes.. Totally the crowd I hung out with in college (cept my crowd was all guys, I'd probably be more geekified if there was another girl there).

I have never laughed so hard.. ok.. I exaggerate.. I haven't laughed that hard in a LONG time as I did while reading that comic.

Definitely something worth reading.. Even if you're just a pseudo-geek. :)

Ron Paul Presidential Candidate

2007-06-07T01:44:00.000-07:00

I was pointed to this YouTube video by another blog that I was reading, and I found a couple comments made by Ron Paul in this video which makes me hope that come the elections he's on the ballot.

A couple quotes that make me think he might not be all bad:

"I think a lot of our government is very wasteful."

"We've taught a couple generations to be very dependent on government.. I think you have to have a transition period... I happen to think that the market can deliver any service better than the government can."

So maybe there is a little hope of getting more local control someday? I'll have to look into him a bit more.

Prey - Video Games Crossing the Line?

2007-06-07T01:11:00.001-07:00

I'm really not the one to be pointing fingers on video games as I play them so rarely that my input is really of no value.

I also don't play violent video games. Ok, I have on occasion been convinced to try a violent video game, and I did play one willingly for a little while though I cannot remember the name any longer. It wasn't very "graphic" or gory, and consisted of you being on the side of good and fighting demons or something.

Other than that I tend to play games that are computerized board games or such things similar to RISK, Monopoly, etc.. Like I loved the first Warcraft, Age of Empires, XBOX 360's Catan. That's about as "violent" as I get with video games. Otherwise I'm playing puzzle games, mancala, backgammon, etc.

But for those of you, really into violent video games.. Here's a review of Prey.

It's definitely a review you should read before buying.

Scarlet Letter

2007-06-01T03:19:00.000-07:00

24 hours.

The last 24 hours have been strange. Odd. Almost creepy. Looney.

It all started with a friend-request on MySpace from a guy I went to High School with a long long time ago.

Which seems normal enough, except I don't know this guy. I had to read his profile to figure out that we probably went to HS together, and then I had to get out my yearbook to even place him. I have never in my life spoke to him, and he wasn't in my grade. I still don't know why he wants to add me.

Then on his profile, I found in his friend's list the younger brother of my best friend in HS. Last I remember seeing him, he might have been a freshman in HS. He's now all grown up with 3 kids. I feel so old.

While both of these aren't anything to write home about, a conversation I had tonight with my best friend is.

She and I have (had?) a network of friends, some mutual, and some not, but they all vaguely know each other. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why several of them hated me so much. I knew there were rumors rolling around, but I could never get anyone to tell me what they were.

Anyway, we began talking about these old friends, most of them we are no longer in touch with, and comparing stories. Then she hinted something about that we'd "shared" the same men.

I have to say that made me laugh quite a bit. I'm actually still laughing about it. Its so preposterous that I couldn't help but laugh.

Controlling my laughter for a bit, just to say: "but we haven't shared the same man" I also racked my brain trying to find a man that we had shared or at least had been both physical with. I even tried to comb through those drunken college nights of "wild abandon" and I couldn't come up with anyone.

Turns out, that a couple of her boyfriends had told her while she was dating them that they and I had had sex.

I seriously cannot stop laughing. How she believed them? That I don't know. She said back then she didn't have much self-esteem. Well with boyfriends like that, who can blame her?

Anyway, we got to the bottom of it, and cleared the air. But it seems she had told a couple people in our friend-network, and of course gossip got out.

No wonder people hated me and kept trying to tell her I wasn't really her friend.

Its so far back in past history, that all one can do now is laugh. Though it is finally good to know why I had that scarlet letter.

(I do sorta feel like going to a gathering of our old friends, and wearing a t-shirt stating "No, I did not have sex with that man!" But that would be all to Clinton-esque and I doubt they'd believe me anyway.)

MAC vs Microsoft - Take Two.. And Action!

2007-05-23T00:03:00.000-07:00

I love my Mini don't get me wrong. It's not that hard to "figure out" and its been really reliable (though I can't say so much for my internet router).

Unfortunately, the MAC Mini doesn't seem to have all the bells and whistles that I'm used to.

I'm certain I must be doing something wrong, but I can't figure out where (nor can the MAC-addict hubby). For those of you tech-support people reading this: 1. Yes I've restarted the computer. 2. Yes I have clicked on and read every possible button in the printer setup features in order to find the options I was looking for (so has hubby). 3. Yes I have the most current driver installed.

My printer is awesome. While most of my previous printers have been thorns in my side with little to no features other than color or grayscale options, my current printer is cool. I can print double sided pages, booklets, etc, plus the options of grayscale or color.

I should say I have these options in Windows. In MAC, I can print and thats about it. Ok.. so I can adjust margins and print portrait or landscape.. Whoop de doo.. I cannot print grayscale if I want. There is no option to select grayscale, actually there are very little "options" in the print mode period. If there is color on the page, it prints it. Which means with the webpages that I print out from time to time, I can easily run out of my color in my printer as the color cartriges are at least 1/3 the size of the black. And if the colors on the page that look black, aren't really black but lets say dark blue, or other "color" that might look black but isn't, my color cartriges are going to be used to print it.

So I'm a bit peeved about it all. I am currently using Google Docs to paste links or store documents that I want printed, then I access that page on my Windows computer, load the links/documents, and print them.

Its a lot more work, and I'm still debating on whether the Mini is worth the freaking hassle.

I am btw liking having two computers, as it splits up the work and my Windows computer hasn't been tempermental much at all. Or maybe it sees the MAC Mini, and is on its best behavior.

I'd just like to be able to utilize all the functions of my printer. Right now, I feel like MAC put "idiot guard" on the print features so that all you can do is "click print" to save people from manually messing with their options and thus screwing up their printing. Which might be good for computer idiots and those that completely lack creativity, but for those that actually have a need to use the features that the particular printer was PURCHASED to do, its not very useful at all.

Cholesterol - Women & Children

2007-05-16T13:45:00.000-07:00

Proof that sometimes you can't believe everything you read, and sometimes you have to follow the money.

Is there anything in this country that isn't corrupted?

And is everything from the medical community just "guessing"?

Apple Mini

2007-05-15T01:22:00.000-07:00

This weekend we went out and purchased an Apple Mini. I was hesitant at first about switching to MACs, well mostly because they're SOOOOO different from Microsofts layouts that I got lost just trying to get them functioning.

Not to mention the previously discussed fear of change.

Anyway, this is my first blog post from the new Mini-Mac and tonight I found a feature of the MAC that will have people tearing it out of my cold dead hands.

See... with MAC's there is this handy-dandy "dashboard" feature, which is mostly just a bunch of gadgets that you can set up, that are on a separate screen... a semi-transparent overlay on top your real screen, when you're not using the computer, or if you just want to check on them.

You hit a key, and woosh the dashboard goes up and you can check things like weather, dictionary, address book, time, stocks, or whatever. The dashboard also shows when you log into your machine or when you come out of screen saver. It disappears with one click on the screen as well, which makes it easy to use.

Now most of that doesn't sound that fabu-lous, and those features aren't really all that.

What I do love is the post-its that it lets you put up on the dashboard. Post-its with grocery lists, notes of things to do, reminders.. Now when I'm in the middle of doing something on the computer and I remember "Oh yes, tomorrow I should go do" I can click to the dashboard, make a post-it and remind myself.

The other feature, is this widget (thats what they call all these fancy-pants dashboard things) that imports your google calendar into it. So you can see at a glance any meetings you have for the day or scheduled errands, doctors appts, etc. (now if only my phone would sync with Google Calendar). So far I haven't done much of anything with it but put in a few reminders, but I'm imagining much much more.

8am Breakfast
9am Gym
10-12pm Errands
12-1pm Lunch
1-4pm Get cracking on that novel. jk
5pm Put on Superhero suit & Save World
6pm Cook
7pm Serve Dinner
8-11pm Relax & Watch TV (Superhero's have to have their downtime)
11pm Sleep

Yes, I am easily amused. :)

I hate my Computer

2007-05-10T15:15:00.000-07:00

Warning: Temper Tantrum

For months, years.. I can't remember how long actually. My computer has been ticking me off.

When I first got it, it was amazing. Then things went down hill.

It had memory errors, so we switched out the memory. It worked fine for a while.

It had internet issues, we switched routers. It didn't help much.

It blew up! (seriously, I had black soot all over my office to prove it)

So we replaced all the insides, and reused the case.

I still had issues. Ok thats an understatement. I've had nothing BUT issues since.

The stupid thing won't boot up without the original CD in the freaking CD drive, even though it doesn't run off the CD while its working, just needs it there like a freaking safety blanket. We've tried to figure out why, but it hasn't been that big of a deal.

Then it would suddenly need rebooting for no apparent reason. I'd get some "failure" message, then it would start a countdown to reboot. If I tried to save anything during this countdown, the file would be corrupted beyond repair. I did figure out how to stop the countdown, but the computer wouldn't let me do anything anyway so I still had to reboot.

On top of this, it wouldn't stay connected to the internet and acted like it hated the router. Which we finally discovered was because the freaking router which is supposed to do wireless and cable connections both, would switch between the two cutting out one or both of the services for no apparent reason. So we shut off the wireless feature on it, and its been behaving 90% better. I only have to reboot the router and cable modem every 3 days, vs every 3 hours.

Hubby checked the thing several times for hacking and found nothing. My computer has been checked for viruses, and does a full scan.. I mean FULL FREAKING SCAN every night.

I also have to restart the computer about every 2 days.

Now I could understand this better if I did something highly taxing on the computer like active games that require a lot of memory and CPU. But the most I do, is have 2-3 documents open, a few webpages, and a couple IM programs.

We've souped up the computer with lots of memory, a fast good quality CPU, and a SATA drive. You would think that it could handle it?

Now today's lovely problem!

Datarat posted a link to a You-Tube video about something that Ayn Rand wrote.

I really really wanted to watch this video. I also wanted to watch a couple other You-Tube Ayn Rand videos. Which I can do, if I could be satisfied with only watching the first minute of each video.

Instead, I get interested in it. I'm waiting at the edge of my seat for the next words, and it stops. I tried it both in FireFox and IE and neither will freaking show me the video, though FireFox does show me more of the video than IE but thats hardly any consolation.

When hubby gets home, I think we're going to have a talk about getting that Apple Mini we've been discussing.

I really hate change, and having to learn how MACs work is not going to be easy for me (or for my hubby as I am going to bitch about it), but I have to do something.

I just want the damn computer to work. It shouldn't be rocket science.

Email Mysteries

2007-04-30T15:14:00.000-07:00

Most of the spam email that I recieve is advertisements for "male enhancement" or how I can click this link to get laid.

Occaisionally I'll get a spam email with some kind of gibberish in it where nothing in it actually makes sense. It looks like it might be a story, but its like tearing a page of a book in half length-wise and trying to make out the story from partial sentences.

And then... There is today's spam mail.

I honestly can't wait til the next one. They are very interesting in a spooky, who-the-hell-comes-up-with-this-and-why kind of way.

The first one:

"Subject: Helen, the mother of great Constantine, nor yet Saint Philip's daughters were like these" (so far normal spam babel, then I read the one sentence contents.)

"For purposes of this Section, a series of related events shall constitute a single material breach."

Kinda creepy. To me it reads like some kind of sci-fi horoscope. What does it mean? What events? What breach? OMG am I in trouble? Crap, while I was playing games did I accidently hack into mission control?

The second one is from Vit Loftus, which is a very strange name and reminds me of a sci-fi alien character or something. And after reading the creepy material breech spam, I'm a little on edge. The message simply states:

"I forbid you to tell the boy anything."

What boy? Crap, I don't know what boy, but rest assured if I see said boy, I won't be telling anything I swear. Don't kill my doggie, I swear I won't tell.

(Now just to figure out what it is that I'm supposed to know.)

Are you the government's whore?

2007-04-29T00:08:00.000-07:00

Scary.

You know those secret plots we hear about that our government is secretly tracking us… etc.

What if they are true?

According to a recent article on JunkFood Science talks about mandatory medical record keeping that the federal government is insisting on implementing.

Honestly, this is the problem with federal income tax. It gives the federal government too much power over the states, as that is how the federal government is getting these mandatory programs to go over. States are “voluntarily” switching to these recording measures, because if they don’t, there will be no more federal funds.

Scary Snippets from the JunkFood Science article:

“For example, mandatory electronic reporting of glycosylated hemoglobin (A1c) values by laboratories to the state Department of Health and Mental Hygiene was recently enacted in New York City. The mandatory program is without patient’s knowledge or informed consent, nor are people free to opt out, according to World Net Daily. Add to that, we’ve already had glimpses of how this information can and is being used by government officials. Pennsylvania’s new plan to manage “chronic illnesses, as described in a recent post, includes identifying and tracking those with diabetes first and putting them under state disease management.”

“A number of states, including Maine and Colorado, have introduced legislation making all Medicaid and food assistance recipients, and state employees, who are deemed overweight be required to undergo weight loss interventions, including “behavior modification” and prescription drugs.”

While most of the article is about HIV testing no longer being anonymous, its these two things that really got me freaking. So, not only are we required to pay taxes for these very programs, but when we get to the point of actually needing them, we may have to jump through hoops like a show dog in order to get the benefits.

And while it sounds all well and good to make people take care of themselves, maintain their health conditions, etc., what happened to personal rights?

Should you ever happen to need help/assistance, your body is no longer yours, but lots of bureaucrats now own your body. It's a whole new version of selling your body for bucks. Except these bucks, are our own.

God forbid we ever implement a socialized medicine program (government health insurance).

Bucket O Possum

2007-04-27T13:51:00.000-07:00

Right now as I type this, on my back porch there is an opossum. It is trapped in a large galvanized metal bucket with chicken wire on the top. It is being haphazardly guarded by my dog, though I don't think it'll escape anyway.

The poor little thing is a baby opossum and is extremely cute. Then it bares it's teeth and you start to see what it would look like full grown.. Fortunately though it is just a little baby, it might be 5lbs when wet.

My husband used to always want to go to this Mexican eatery in town because once under the outside decking he saw a baby opossum. So I thought I'd keep it here until he gets home.

Even though when I called him to tell him that it was in the back yard and if I left it alone the dog would kill it. He told me to let the dog kill it.

Of course when I reminded him of the baby opossum he used to adore at the Mexican restaurant, and asked him if he would sit back and watch our dog kill it. He replied: "No, but YOU'RE the one watching the dog kill it, not me." (I shouldn't really type the names I calling him in my head.)

I tried calling a pest removal place. They couldn't come out and get it today, and I sure wasn't going to leave the poor thing out there to be mauled to death by our dog. Our dog won't eat it btw. She just likes to play with things until they're dead and no more fun. I'm sorry but watching my 45lbs. normally very sweet hearted dog (at least with people she is) maul to death a poor little rather defenseless opossum, is not on my list of things to watch today. Nor would it be on my list of things to watch ever.

I was advised by many to just dump the thing in the neighbors yard. Which would be fine, if I could be sure it would stay there. But see, opossum's don't understand fences as boundaries, so with the dog's water outside and my hopefully soon-to-be producing garden, I really don't want an opossum to be around to seal my veggies (like I don't have enough competition with the squirrels). Not to mention that the opossum's like to run around at night and cause my dog (and the other neighborhood dogs)to bark incessantly.

So the poor opossum is sitting terrified in a bucket, safe, waiting for my husband to come home so we can drive out to an uninhabited area and release it. That way my husband gets to share in my experiences today. :) Thats what he gets for trying to put the death of an innocent baby creature on my head!

Online Comics - Schlock Mercenary

2007-04-27T11:50:00.000-07:00

I should not poke around my friend's sites when I'm bored. (repeat 100 times)

Because when I'm bored, I find things that I'm interested in. Which means more things to take up my time. And most times these things are not really valuable uses of time, but things that entertain me.

So.. I was poking around on Datarat's website and I found Schlock Mercenary Online Comic Strip.

Now most days, I would follow the link. Read the one strip on it. Not get interested and move on.

But this time, I was bored.

I was bored and since my friend has referred to this comic strip several times, I think that it must be something really cool. So I decide to read several days of this comic. Which was a big mistake.

See.. I went back and read about a month of this comic strip. And when I ended on today's strip, I got mad. I wanted MORE! Unfortunately now I have to wait til tomorrow for more.

I really hate waiting.

Global Warming caused by Law Changes

2007-04-26T11:45:00.000-07:00

This has to be the most hilarious thing I've read in ages. I actually have my friend Datarat to thank for alerting me to this.

While I'm not a big fan of the scare of supposed global warming, this article was way too funny to pass up.

It seems according to one Arkansas lady that lawmakers are plotting and making laws to cause this global warming.

Billy's Hollywood Screen Kiss

2007-03-23T05:09:00.000-07:00

I have just finished watching what has to be the best film I’ve seen in a long while. While the film is predominantly gay, with its token straight couple, it’s overriding theme about the search for the love of your life is applicable to everyone.

The film Billy’s Hollywood Screen Kiss has one fantastically accurately truthfully beautifully captured scene which has prompted me to write this post.

The scene is a scene that most of us have probably had in our lives at least once, if not numerous times. But never before in film have I ever seen this scene so accurately portrayed.

The scene is two friends with possible sexual chemistry, due to reasons which they both agree are valid (whether they really are or not), end up sharing a bed for a night.

It is a very captivating scene. Where there is so much tension, as they both are unsure whether or not the other shares their interest and each are afraid of ruining the friendship.

So the subtle dance begins.

Since they’re both chicken, they pretend to be asleep. One sleepingly pretends to change position and “happens” to touch the other letting their body rest in that position for a bit, waiting to see what the other one does. When nothing happens, he pulls his arm away and waits, giving up hope. But then the other, sleepingly adjusts his position so they’re touching again. Unsure if this is intentional, or a sleeping move, he snuggles in a bit to test the waters. Then the other moves into the snuggle a bit.

It is a very slow, tension-filled dance that brought back so many memories for me. I had forgotten how that intense timidity felt, but the movie brings it all back to life and lets the viewer share this intimate moment as if you’re there in it. It has to be the most touching scene in a movie that I have seen in a long long time.

There is a similar themed scene in “Just Friends”, but Billy’s Hollywood Screen Kiss captures it much better with more heart and less cheesiness.

Honestly, even if you’re homophobic, it’s worth watching this movie if only just for that scene.

This goes out to the hard work of the Orthodox Union

2007-03-07T01:25:00.000-08:00

Feeling Normal.

Ok.. maybe normal is a little strong. But I've been on a really restricted diet for quite a while now, and have not had a good time trying to find corn-free foods at the grocery stores.

So now its Springtime, and that means Passover. This is the time that I thank God for Jewish people. No, I’m not being facetious or in any way making light of Judaism. I honestly love them for giving me a few months each year of bliss.

Here's why: Their Kosher For Passover (KFP) guidelines are a god-send for those of us allergic to corn, rice, and beans.

Today I purchased $300 worth of food stuffs at the grocery store. Why you ask? Mostly because there was $300 of food stuffs at the grocery store that I could purchase and safely eat. And I didn't even clean off their shelves.

To be frank, KFP season is like a two - three month long party for those of us allergic to corn. Corn-free candies, pickles, canned fruits, tomato sauces, gum, coffee, vanilla, food colorings, etc. hit the shelves of Kosher grocery stores all over the country. And Kosher.com has ready-made cakes for sale that are all free of corn, rice, and beans. Do you know how long its been since I've purchased a cake?

Today, I pigged out on chocolate covered orange peels, fruit chew candy, gummy bears. I even had toast and jam for breakfast, and a juice box!!

And right now, I'm finishing off today with a Bud Light (which isn't probably KFP, but someone said it was corn-free so in my excitement I decided to check it out, and so far so good.)

I feel normal. Despite the hoarding of the limited supply of KFP goods that I'll need for the rest of the year, and trying to figure out where to store it all, I feel normal.

I'm hopefull actually. For the last few months, I have been in the dumps trying to think of where I can find corn-free foods, as each tidbit of pleasure food I had seemed to be corn-taminated and thus had to be eliminated. So now I have $300 worth of food stuffs (and I'll probably go back to the store for a few other things), so I feel calm, relaxed, and worry-free. I'm no longer wondering what I am going to eat tomorrow. I know I have a pile of food just waiting for me to eat it, and thats a peaceful thought.

Ice Storm in Nebraska

2007-01-12T18:21:00.000-08:00

For those who question why I moved from Nebraska, and have absolutely no desire to move back. Please check out this photo display of a recent ice storm.

Now if you think this is just a one time thing and that winters are never this bad in Nebraska, think again.

While the widespread power outages might not be as bad on a yearly basis, I do remember nearly every year having ice storms that coated streets, trees, fences, grass, etc much like shown in the pictures. Some years were worse (more ice) than others.

The aftermath of ice storms is usually a very beautiful site. The light reflects on everything as if it was all made of glass. Then you look harder and realize the damage and clean up that's going to have to happen. Soon enough the pretty wears off and the drudgery begins. De-icing streets. Salting sidewalks.

And the ever so lovely, chipping your car out of the ice capsule that it surely is in. Sometimes cars get so sealed in there is nearly nothing you can do. If you chip too hard, you'll go through and scratch the paint. Door jams are usually sealed with solid ice, not to mention the handles or lock. You can douse your car in window washer with anti-freeze if you have enough on hand, provided that its not sealed in your trunk, but that usually doesn't help much. I suppose if you had a safe way of lighting a torch you could melt the ice off that way but the probability of setting yourself on fire is much more likely.

If you do manage to get in your car, you'd better hope you have a lot of gas. (This is one of the reasons I refuse to have less than 1/4 tank in my car. Old habits die hard.) You're going to need to start your car and put on the defrost on high, or you'll never get the ice off your windshield. After a while of defrosting your windows, the layer of ice next to the window turns to water and makes it easily removable. Or at least more easy to remove than solid ice on glass.

Once you get your car unsealed, you have to watch the streets as often they are sheets of ice.

Most often it is just best to call (if you have a functional phone) your boss and say "Sorry I can't come in" and hope you don't get fired.

Days like this is why I always have insisted on having a billion candles, a good supply of board games and decks of cards. (This is also why most Nebraskan's DO know their neighbors.)

Corn Allergy Addicts Anonymous

2007-01-05T14:52:00.000-08:00

I admitted something really scary last night. Something that I’ve thought of for a while, but came to the forefront when I saw just how debilitating hubby’s allergic reaction was. Since I’m like that or a little bit like that almost all the time, I thought a little bit of that was just “me” and now I’m not so sure. What if I could really be 100% alert? That’s a great thought, right?

I’ve talked before (maybe not so much on here) about having a food allergy addiction to corn. It makes me high, and with very small minor reactions it makes me feel really happy for a few hours.

So here’s the scary part. What if the days that I think I feel good, are really low level reaction days and I’m still in a cycle of self-sabotage? Or what if they’re the “calm” before the storm. What if I get into corn, get happy, get sick, get sad, work to find the source of the corn, remove it, get a clear day.. then subconsciously seek out corn again for another “fix”?

The thing is there isn’t a support group for this type of addiction. There aren’t labels to read that tell me “corn is in here”.. I have to trust my body to react. But with a food addiction, you can’t really trust what your body wants. Your body wants the corn.

Drugs. Alcohol. There are tons of groups and support systems for these addictions, and for the most part the eyes can see these dangers before they’re ingested. But there is nothing for food allergy addiction, and like any addiction, only I can stop myself and change.

The problem is that my “drug” exists in everything, so it feels sometimes like no matter how hard I try, I never will “recover”. My next slip-up is only a snack, a meal, a drink, or sometimes even a breath away.

The Best Gift Ever!

2007-01-02T14:20:00.000-08:00

This might seem a bit callous, but honestly this New Years will be remembered as the Best Christmas/New Years ever. (or at least for now) Due to one simple thing.

My husband now knows first hand what its like to be me.

Now before you get all judgmental in my rejoicing that my husband has food allergies and had an allergic reaction during Christmas/New Years, let me just tell you that it wasn't in any way life threatening. He got to experience a very low level, but annoying reaction. A reaction that he'd only observed in me prior to experiencing it himself. A reaction that he used to "disbelieve" or think that I "made up" or that I was making "more out of it" than it really was.

So yes, I am extremely happy that he now knows first hand what its like. Since he would be my primary caregiver, and would have to mediate with doctors on my behalf should something happen, I am extremely happy that he now "gets it".

But I'm digressing.. Now onto the real story..

During Christmas at my parents, Hubby started having problems with allergies. (It could have been mold issues, who knows) On our arrival back home, we both had sinus problems. On our return (Wednesday), we went sales shopping and hubby picked up some After Eight mints on sale.

(In Sept, hubby had received test results which one said a mild wheat allergy, and another less reliable test stated a mild mint allergy. So we removed both from his diet.)

He decided he wanted to test the mint allergy. He's an adult, so I have to let him figure this out on his own (at least somewhat). But unknown to me, he ate several boxes of After Eights in the next few days. I believe he finished the last of them on Saturday.

On Friday, hubby went to a salad bar and had a salad with olive oil and salt. Unfortunately, he didn't admit to me until Sunday that he'd also had "fake bacon" (wheat) on it. To his defense, he didn't know it had wheat in it, as he doesn't think about it unless he's specifically told "no".

I don't normally see my husband on the days he works, except at night. So I really didn't notice much issues, until Saturday. On Saturday, he was out of it. You know that whole saying "The Doors open, but no one is home?" that would be a pretty apt description of him on Saturday. He kept complaining that he just couldn't seem to concentrate. He has this project that he's been trying to work on, but he couldn't manage to concentrate enough to do anything. The more he talked, the more I said "You sound like me, you sure you didn't get into anything?" He insisted he hadn't and that it wasn't anything.

Then Sunday rolled around. If I thought he wasn't "in" on Saturday, he had vacated earth on Sunday. Then in the late afternoon, when I realized he wasn't going to be better by evening and going out wasn't going to be an option because even if he didn't drink, there was no way he could drive. So we went to rent movies. By this time, he'd admitted that something was really wrong and that I might be right about the allergies. He also fessed up at this time to the fake bacon on the salad on Friday, as well as devouring the After Eights.

I have to say that I wasn't being very nice during all this. I was laughing the entire day. It was hilarious. He was doing all the things that he complains that I do all the time just to irritate him. (Which I don't do on purpose, I don't often realize I'm doing it. Because its part of my allergic reactions) So here he was doing them, despite himself.

We went to Hollywood Rentals, and went to pick up movies. He didn't want to rent anything that would make him think, so we rented anything that was a light comedy. We left with 5 movies. Normally he insists on only 2 movies, maybe 3 if I insist. However, he couldn't decide which movie to watch. Now this is not your normal.. "I like both of these, so I can't decide".. this was "I honestly can't think about it right now. I have no idea which one to pick" type of indecision that I am known for. Until now, no one else had understood that depth of indecision, and hubby had been quite judgmental about my indecisive tendencies. So I thought it all incredibly hilarious. Especially when we got to the counter with 5 movies, and he didn't even try to narrow it down. He knew if he tried to narrow it down, that I'd make him decide which movies not to rent, and he'd rather not think about it.

I honestly don't think I've laughed so much in one day in all my life.

Then I wanted to get some seltzer water, as I was out at home. Since we weren't going out drinking, I wanted to be able to make something at home. Normally, he would want to talk me out of it as he hates going to regular grocery stores with me, as I love to read all the labels and seek out new items. He didn't even protest.

He did however decide that he wanted to make his own drinks (we have potato vodka at home he could use safely). He doesn't like very many alcohol drinks, and milk is out, so we had to be creative. While we were there, the munchies set in.

Now, I've tried to describe the munchies to others, but I always fail. I've never smoked pot, but I have seen and heard potheads talk about getting the munchies and devouring anything in sight. This is the munchies that my husband had.

It started as he wanted something to snack on while watching the movies. Normal yes? Then it progressed.

You have to understand shopping with hubby to get the full brunt of what happened at the grocery store. Shopping with hubby is very quick, very decisive. You know what you're getting, you get it, and you get out. That is not at all how this shopping adventure went.

First, we went to get the stuff needed to make mixed drinks at home. Then he wanted snacks. Snacks included chips and dip. Well then I thought, I could make a dip at home as well, but I need crackers so I left him and went to look for crackers. The particular store didn’t' have them, so I went back and found hubby. He was happy and content to just look around.

Then he wanted ice cream. "Is there a non-dairy ice cream I can have?" ok.. prior to this hubby didn't want fake ice cream and would adamantly refuse it. So we went to look at milk-free ice creams. We found one that looked safe and put it in the cart.

Then came the chili craving.. He wanted chili. Since I cannot have peppers, we went to look at canned chili for him. Most had oats or wheat, which he's avoiding, but we did find a couple that were ok and bought both (since hubby couldn't decide which one would be better in the store, and decided he should try them both - another un-hubby-like thing to do).

At this point, I decided to pick up a couple things in the produce section. Normally I would be scolded with a "Do you really need them now? Can you come back later and get them?", but nothing was said. I was never pressured to leave the store the entire hour we were there. It was unfathomable, and the most fun I've had in a long time.

I went to pick out some produce, and hubby got distracted reading the labels of jam. I found him a few feet away, picking up jars of jam (which he doesn't eat btw, because he doesn't like most fruit) and reading the labels. He wasn't just picking up jars of jam that he might eat. No, he was picking up just random jars and reading the labels as if it was the most fun thing to do ever. He was happy and content. I nearly caused a scene with laughing so hard.

When we got home, he started munching. I was doing my own thing, so I wasn't watching him much or monitoring what he ate. (We'd just eaten a few hours before btw).

We then watched a movie, and I was a little hungry so I asked him if he wanted supper. He said he wasn't hungry and couldn't believe I was hungry. It had been about 5 hours since lunch, so I replied "Well I didn't just have the munchies and eat everything in the house." He looked a little insulted. I said, "Well what all did you eat? Am I wrong?"

He thought about it and said: "I had some chips & chili, some goulash, nuts, toffee (homemade), juice," etc.. he kept pausing naming something, then pause, named something else. I swear he went on for several minutes naming foods he'd eaten. Btw the "some chips and chili" equals an entire can of Campbell's no bean chili, and half a bag of corn chips.

I got up and made me a small dinner, all the while laughing.

We talked yesterday about it, and decided that he needs to be ultra-safe in his eating until he gets his project done. He started regaining his ability to concentrate last night, and hopefully is back to normal today.

If nothing else, he at least now understands me a little bit better, and knows that "NO, it’s not all in her head".

Is there really a Santa Claus?

2006-12-04T00:08:00.000-08:00

Is there really a Santa Claus?

For many years, I was told there was no Santa. For as long as I could remember actually.

As years in my family progressed, the decorations slowly stopped being important. It seemed that I (the youngest of 4 children) was the only one interested in the holiday spirit. I'll admit back then most of my exuberance wasn't really holiday spirit, but excitement about what I might get for Christmas. But I tried to spread the holiday spirit anyway.

Then I grew older, and was the only person left in the house with my parents. Decorating a house for the holiday's isn't much fun by yourself, and when you're a teen its not that much fun to do with your parents.

So slowly over the years, it seemed Christmas died. Or at least the Christmas of my youth.

My family is very religious. And over the years, Santa became a taboo pagan thing. The Christmas tree was removed from the holiday at first due to allergies (allergies to real trees and the mold on our old plastic one), then the tree became taboo because it wasn't directly reflective of Christ's birth. Then bows on presents went. My mother always hated bows, thought they were a waste of money. Which they honestly are, and when packing up presents to travel, bows get really smooshed. It seems year after year, the little efforts of the holidays went goodbye one after one.

Christmas became blah. Another mundane holiday.

I had gotten used to this, and honestly hadn't really thought about the loss of Christmas spirit. Something had bugged me about the holidays, but I just couldn't pin point what it was. Until I read a letter posted by an online friend of mine.

This letter is one she wrote to give to her daughter to answer the question: Is there really a Santa Claus?

"I have always told you - Santa is real to those who believe in him. If you say, “I don't believe in Santa,” or think it's something only “little kids” believe, or you join in in making fun of others who do believe, then you are closing the door on something wonderful. It makes my heart sink and feel heavy to hear a young child say they don't believe in Santa, as though there's only one truth and one way to believe. There's so much more to the story, so much more to understand.

Is there a Santa that wears a red suit and is led by a team of reindeer and flies over the whole world in a single night? I don't know, because I've never seen him. Does that mean he can't exist? I would be very limited in my thinking to believe that. Do I as an adult still enjoy going to the window each Christmas Eve and looking up and wondering if I'll see him sailing through the sky? Yes, I honestly do. Why? Because I love the feeling I get deep down inside when I allow myself the joy of believing, the joy of imagining what might be. Should I stop doing this because I am too old? No.

When I was little, around 5 or 6, I guess, my brother told me Santa wasn't real and called me a baby if I chose to believe. He said I should think as he did. I finally got old enough to realize that there doesn't have to be just one answer.

You should know that long, long ago there was a real man named Saint Nicholas. He lost his parents when he was very young, and he used his inheritance money to do as Jesus commanded (to sell what you own and give to the poor). He tended the sick and the poor and the needy for his whole life. He was very generous and was known for his kindness and generosity to others. Stories have been told of how he secretly left gifts for people to help those in need. He was also a protector of children and there are many tales that tell of his wonderful deeds. He was a real man, but he is no longer living. His work has lived on, though, through others. We, as older children and grown ups get to share in the joy and get to help Saint Nicholas continue the work he began years ago in each small gift we share, in each surprise we create and each time we are responsible for bringing a spark of joy into someone's life. We are Saint Nick when we give to others. That's exciting! There's no room for “I don't believe in Santa” in that kind of Christmas. There's only possibilities.

You may already suspect it, so I will tell you honestly that I help to fill the stockings and to purchase the presents. Why have I done this and why have I kept it secret and allowed you to believe? Because it's my part of sharing Saint Nicholas' joy. When we allow another young child to believe (maybe you, your sisters, or a neighbor or younger friend), and we don't spoil the mystery for them, we are helping them to learn that it's OK to believe in something. It's OK to believe even if we can't see it or touch it. That's how we learn to believe in God. That's how we learn to have hope.
Santa is very real to those who believe in him. That's the truth, isn't it? " - Written by Cath

Hope. Christmas and the Christmas spirit is all a celebration of hope. How could we forget?

So get out all your tinsel, and lights, and celebrate the season. It might seem like a lot of work, but if we all pitch in together and spread the holiday spirit.. We just might find hidden hope we lost.

White & Nerdy

2006-10-18T01:58:00.000-07:00

This is way too funny. I first found this on my friend Datarat's blog and just had to put it here as well.

Al Yankovic's "White & Nerdy"...

Is it just me, or is this the sexiest Al's ever been in his videos? Hmm or maybe its just my geek fetish, I should probably have that checked out by a professional.

5 Foods To Live For

2006-09-06T15:19:00.000-07:00

Idea taken from Violets weblog. She stole the idea from someone else, so to keep the thieving alive.. here goes...

Like Violets, I have had to give up hopes on a lot of foods. No more walks down to Starbucks for a hot cocoa in the Chicago winter. No more grilled cheese and tomato soup. No more cheesecake at the Cheesecake Factory. No more thick rich slices of moist chocolate cakes. No more large dollops of sour cream on my potato. No more PB&J on that fluffy white bread.

Giving up eggs, milk, and corn.. for most people going cold turkey on it would be like a death sentence.

5 Foods that really get me going...

Tomatoes and Pasta: Piping hot fresh from the stove pasta, topped with Pomi tomatoes, olive oil and salt. We used to make Tomatoes and macaroni all the time growing up. This is one of the few comfort foods from my childhood that I can still enjoy.

Steak: There is nothing quite like a good prime rib steak with a garlic au jus.

Baked Potato: Who needs fancy toppings. Dice up some fresh green onion, sprinkle of salt. YUM.

Bob's Peppermint Sticks: These are unbelieably easy to carry, cheap, and delicious.. oh.. and make me feel unbelievably normal.

Dagoba Chocolates: You can take away a lot from someone's diet, but don't you be messing with their chocolate. Btw Mint is the best.

..

I think I have more than 5... I could name juices, and recipies for chicken fajitas... which reminds me.. If Vegenaise ever changes their formula to include corn, I'm going to throw one helluva fit. I can formulate my own of a lot of things.. but a fake mayo (no eggs) without corn?

Mmm I'm getting hungry.

Are you really Causasian?

2006-09-01T13:20:00.000-07:00

I was in the middle of making a smart reply to a man who thought it pertinent to tell me first and foremost that he was Indian, not American.. though he lives in the USA.

To shorten things up, I was looking up how to spell Caucasian because no matter how I spelled it, it just didn't look right. So I went to Dictionary.com to figure it out. It was then I read the actual definition of Causasian and was a little surprised by what I found.

Causasian

1. Anthropology. of, pertaining to, or characteristic of one of the traditional racial divisions of humankind, marked by fair to dark skin, straight to tightly curled hair, and light to very dark eyes, and originally inhabiting Europe, parts of North Africa, western Asia, and India: no longer in technical use.

2.of or pertaining to the Caucasus mountain range.

Or from the American Heritage Dictionary
adj.
1. Anthropology.. Of or being a major human racial classification traditionally distinguished by physical characteristics such as very light to brown skin pigmentation and straight to wavy or curly hair, and including peoples indigenous to Europe, northern Africa, western Asia, and India. No longer in scientific use. See Usage Note at race1.
2. Of or relating to the Caucasus region or its peoples, languages, or cultures.
3. Of or relating to a group of three language families spoken in the region of the Caucasus mountains, including Chechen, Abkhaz, and the Kartvelian languages.

n.
1. Anthropology.. A member of the Caucasian racial classification. Not in scientific use.
2. A native or inhabitant of the Caucasus.
3. The Caucasian language family.

So while I'm right that I'm Caucasian (Czech, English, misc others), there are quite a few more Caucasians running around than many of us would consider to be Causasian by today's standards.

Here's a definition of what is Causasia and a map of the Caucasia region, Map of Caucasia.

From what I can tell, and the definition.. Then I'd assume that Arabs, Italians, etc. are also probably "Caucasian".. and I know many people do not believe that to be so.

OCD? COD? aka Label Maker Fun

2006-08-25T14:41:00.000-07:00

I've been having a period of time where I have lots more free time to do things. At first, this time was spent doing completely useless things like Xbox.

That was until I clued in that I was miserable because I never organized the house.

Now while I've never been officially diagnosed, all my rl friends (aka those who've seen me in action) and family will attest that I have the following conditions.. ADD, a touch of OCD, and what I call COD or compulsive organizing disorder.

Think Monica of Friends with the attention span of Joey.

So anyway, I realized I never got to organize the house. When we moved to the house from the apt, I was working full time and had my hands full just trying to do the every day things plus working that I never got anything REALLY organized.

I go crazy if things don't have a home and for the last 4 yrs most things haven't had a home. They've had very unorganized inconvienent haphazard places to go until I got time to deal with them, which I never did.. or I never took the time.

So I decided to take action on it this week and indulge my COD compulsions. I made lists. As I was making lists, I realized it'd been ages since I had made lists. Oh the fun of it!

The next step was super joy. I got things done and crossed things off my list. YEAH!!

Yesterday, I went to the Container Store (OCD and COD heaven mind you) with a list of dimentions of a closet to find containers to fit in it and organize it. What I found was perfect. I bought a case of plastic shoe box containers and (insert drumroll) a LABEL MAKER!

I was so excited to get started that I stayed up til 5am last night, washing sheets (had to make sure they were washed in corn-free soap, as some of them I don't know when I last washed them) and putting them into the shoe boxes and labeling them. Pillow cases, sheets, etc. boxed and labeled. Organized and easy to grab. Oh and they'll be clean forever! No chances of dust floating inside these sealed plastic boxes.

My linen closet looks amazing now btw. Though I think I'm going to be addicted to my labelmaker. I'm right now brain storming other things I might need to use it on. But the only thing I can think of requires another trip back to the Container Store for more plastic boxes. Oh the torture!

Corn Allergy Bloating

2006-08-18T13:21:00.000-07:00

I'd meant to post about this when it occured, but well I've been distracted.

Since I'm new to posting here, most of you haven't a clue about what allergic reactions can do to me. And let me count the ways.. jk

Though this last weekend, traveling up to see my parents and my wayward sister. I got into something corn, and probably something else corn, and something milk.

I started swelling. A few days prior I had just purchased some really nice clamdigger jeans that really showed how slim I'd gotten. I squeezed into them. They didn't fit anymore. I was pissed. Here I had been losing weight for months, getting myself to look good again. And when I get to show it off to someone.. I bloat up like a beached whale.

Thank GOD that I thought enough to bring my fat jeans/pants. These are pants that are one size larger than I normally wear. I put them on and they fit. They weren't BIG. They FIT!!!!!

I was very angry. Shortly after that my ankles started swelling. Normally my ankles are bones and muscle. Despite my weight, my ankles have always been slim. Its one of the things I insisted on early in life. I wasn't going to have fat ankles!!

Well I did. My ankles were huge. My fingers swelled to really really fat lady pudgy. My toes swelled to look like little cocktail weenies. My joints hurt. My ankles throbbed with hurt and were stiff.

When I got home, I was exhausted and fell into bed. Then the next morning I weighed myself. From the time I left, til that morning on the scale.. I'd gained 5 lbs!!!!! 5 lbs in a 4 day weekend!!

Yeah I was upset, but I knew it was just bloating. I watched my foods that day to make certain I only ate safe safe things. I didn't "diet", just didn't try anything new and unusual.

Next morning I weighed myself. I'd lost those 5 lbs and I'm back down to my normal weight. My ankles were once again bones and muscle, my toes were toes again, and my fingers back to long and sexy.

My next trip back up there is in Nov. I think I'll have to keep a detailed food journal of it, as well as a daily weighing log. I think its just the corn in the air up there, but I gotta figure out what's causing this. Because its not fun to look like a beached whale every time you visit family.

Food Analysis

2006-08-18T10:26:00.000-07:00

Because I can't eat milk, eggs, and nearly everything else because of corn or corn derivatives, I was pretty certain I needed extra vitamin support.

So while looking at another girl's blog I read a post she did about this website with a Food Adviser tool. It asks you a bunch of questions, then tells you which vitamins you may be short in and how to get those through eating certain foods. Kinda cool.

It gives you a breakdown of which foods have what vitamins. Its really interesting and for me very helpful. It is nice to know that I did pick the right multi-vitamin for what I guessed where my deficientcies, but its better to get your vitamins from foods than to try to take a pill to solve everything.

My deficientcies rating:

93% vitamin e
92% calcium
90% copper
90% omega 3 fatty acids
90% pantothenic acid
90% vitamin d
78% folate
74% magnesium
74% iron
72% vitamin b12
70% riboflavin b2
60% zinc
60% thiamin b1
1% vitamin a
1% vitamin c
1% vitamin b6
1% protein
1% selenium
1% niacin b3
1% phosphorus
1% vitamin k
1% potassium
1% manganese
0% dietary fiber

Now while the test is helpful, I'm not entirely sure on its accuracy. It told me:

"Approximately 41% of your total day's calories appear to be coming from foods that are not as nutritionally dense as the World's Healthiest Foods. These other foods may include fast foods, pre-packaged foods, processed foods, fried foods and sweets."

Uh yeah right. If only the test knew that the most "processed" things I can have is a Dagoba chocolate bar, or a bag of Kettle chips (which I can only eat like 10 chips anyway). Or a bottle of Virgil's Cream Soda. Even if I ate one of each of those a day, I hardly think it makes up 41% of my daily diet.

Somehow I think it used some calculation of my total calories per day based on what I said I ate of what they questioned me on, and assumed that I ate more than that in a day. My total came to 1191 calories of the healthy foods I answered to on the questionaire. So based on that I think it "assumes" that I eat 2000 calorie diet? Which honestly I don't think that I do.

I need to find a calculator that measures the calorie content of what I do eat, then we'll see. I'm not starving myself. I'm just eating what I want til I'm satisfied then I'm done. Which honestly isn't much these days.

Supper the other day was approx 8oz Roast Beef (w/ Organic Ketchup), 1 large potato (nothing on it), 2 c. cooked carrots.

Now I don't think any of those (cept maybe the ketchup) weren't on the healthiest foods list.

*shrugs* Anyway, I'm going to try to eat more of the "suggested" foods for me.

The number is supposedly how many nutrients it has that I need, aka how well it fits to cure my deficientcies. (though looking at their list, I'm not sure why things are cooked, or they suggest you eat dried or ground spices rather than fresh. Don't ya think fresh would be better?)

9 - Spinach (boiled, with salt)
7 - Liver, Calf
6 - Greens, Turnip, Cooked
5 - Mushrooms, Crimini, Raw
5 - Parsley, fresh
5 - Greens, Mustard, Boiled
5 - Lettuce, Romaine
5 - Kelp
4 - Chard, Boiled
4 - Basil, Ground
4 - Collard Greens, Boiled, Drained
3 - Asparagus, Boiled
3 - Sunflower Seeds, Dried
3 - Dill weed
3 - Thyme, Ground
3 - Oregano, Ground
3 - Chinook Salmon Fillet-Baked/Broiled
3 - Broccoli (pieces, steamed)
3 - Peppermint, fresh
2 - Venison
2 - Tomato, Red, Raw, Ripe
2 - Beef Tenderloin, Lean Broiled
2 - Cauliflower (boiled, drained)
2 - Kale, Boiled
2 - Cinnamon, Ground
2 - Scallops, Baked, Broiled
2 - Halibut, Baked/Broiled
2 - Shrimp, Mixed Species, Steamed, Boiled
2 - Snapper, Baked
2 - Squash, Summer, All Varieties
2 - Cod, Pacific, Fillet, Baked, Broiled
2 - Lamb, loin, roasted
1 - Blackstrap Cane Molasses
1 - Milk, Cow, 2%
1 - Seeds, Mustard
1 - Milk, Goat
1 - Tuna, Yellowfin, Baked/Broiled
1 - Cucumber, Raw
1 - Turmeric, Ground
1 - Rosemary, Dried
1 - Flax Seeds
1 - Seeds, Sesame
1 - Egg, Hen, Whole, Boiled
1 - Cumin, Seeds
1 - Pepper, Black
1 - Coriander, Seeds
1 - Almonds, dry roasted
1 - Spelt WholeGrain Flour
1 - Nuts, Walnuts
1 - Papaya
1 - Cloves, Ground
1 - Green Peas-Boiled
1 - Celery, Raw

From Coach to Congress

2006-08-17T12:09:00.000-07:00

For those of you who aren't native Nebraskans or who haven't lived in Nebraska for any length of time, having the University's Football coach immediately be elected to Congress might seem a bit odd.

But thats exactly what happened in Nebraska to the nearly god-like worshiped coach Tom Osborne.

I'm sure he makes a fine congressman as he always did have a head on his shoulders (you have to have some brains to be able to survive as a coach in Nebraska, people there take their sports very seriously).

I just today found out he made it to congress, while I was researching our governments farm/commodity policies and found a picture of Tom among the links. Guess I don't keep up on the native state like I should. But then I don't really keep up on any news.

I just like to pretend I do.

Fuel Economy

2006-08-16T12:11:00.000-07:00

Ah the joys of fuel, politics, and corporations..

Before you buy a new car thinking you'll save tons in gas mileage.. Read this.

The Truth About Fuel Economy Ratings

Seems fuel economy ratings can be overstated by as much as 34%.

Thank God my Hyundai Elantra is living up to its claims.

For gas prices in your local area? Look here.

FAAN another four letter word

2006-08-11T02:58:00.000-07:00

Still awake because I can't sleep. I began searching the web for weird things. Corn-free blogs, anti-corn blogs, FAAN and corn, pretty much anything having to do with corn that might in some way or another be interesting to read.

Bored of finding nothing to read, I clicked on the allergies.about.com link and went to the Food Allergies link. I was just looking around casually then noticed something odd.

Of the "allergies" listed on this page, corn was the 6th one listed. Now why since FAAN is so adamant that corn isn't important.. Why would allergies.about.com list corn so prominently on its main food allergies page?

No more Girdles - Chub Rub solutions

2006-08-08T15:37:00.000-07:00

I believe this is one of the most humiliating things for fat women. There are many forces against fat women in this world and a lot of them in fashion.

Growing up, it was impossible to find decent looking clothes that fit and yet didn't make me look like my grandmother had dressed me.

Today we have more options, especially with stores such as Lane Bryant. But even those can't fit everyone.

There are those who are top heavy fatties. They have huge shoulders, big arms, big breasts, big bellies, and skinny assed legs.

There are bottom heavy fatties. They have smaller shoulders, not as ample breasts, but they have huge bottoms, and thick legs.

Then there are those like myself, who are proportionally big all over.

So I don't get how they think that "one size fits all" when it gets to be over size 16.

But I digress..

I went shopping yesterday, and I saw something amazing. Or I thought it was amazing.

Way back when in the 80's, when my mother insisted that girls MUST wear dresses to church and we went every sunday, I got inventive with fighting chub rub. Nothing like a hot summer day, walking the 1/4 mile from where we parked to the church, with my legs sticking to each other and rubbing each other raw, my sweat seeping into it making it burn. Back in the 80's, my solution was longer skirts and wearing those really slick satiny biker shorts under them.

That worked pretty well until they went out of style and you could no longer find them in any size let alone large ones. So for the last 10 years or so, I've gotten into habit of wearing pants when and where possible. But most men I know like women in skirts, plus they're much cooler in the summers, so I've been seeking better solutions.

So anyway, I'm out shopping at Lane Bryant and I see they're carrying these new "inventions" called spanks which look an awful lot like a biker short though not silky. They looked a bit small so I purchased the next size up. Took them home and tried them on. Or lets say I attempted to try them on.

Spanks - Are supposedly created by women for women to prevent panty lines etc.

I don't believe a woman created them. If a woman did, she needs to get her head examined. They were amazingly tight, so amazingly tight that after pulling them past my ankles I knew what kind of war it was going to be to get them to my thighs and decided to pass on it.

They were so girdle-ish that the inventor had to be a skinny woman thinking that all of us "fatties" needed to be girdled in to make us look like skinny people.

Well let me ask you.. What happens when you "girdle" fat? It moves to other areas. So while your ass might look nice and tight, the rest of you is flopping about like a jelly fish. Hardly attractive.

These "Spanks" are supposed to be a better alternative than the other girdle-ish wear out there that has those "sticky" elastics at the thigh to keep them from riding up. (That sticky stuff is amazingly pinchy and uncomfortable btw)

What I have found over the last few years of experimenting, is .. You'll never guess it..

Men's boxer briefs.

Not the cotton knit ones, but the ones that are silky almost satiny with lots of spandex. The best pair I have are made my Jockey. They come in white and black, and they stay in place without sticky elastic.

Now while I may feel a little silly wearing mens underwear out in public, its much better feeling than the chub rub rash.

All in all, I still prefer a good pair of pants.

To Theme or not to theme?

2006-08-08T15:26:00.000-07:00

I thought about making this ONE general theme. Then I thought, but I have much more about me than one topic. I contain volumes.

So do I start 10 blogs with different themes, or make people sort through this one for information they wanted?

I am envious of a friend of mine who has the "where-with-all" aka knowledge to do his own blog outside of a blogging site. He's got categories and searches.. and I haven't been able to figure out if this one does.. or how to work it.

I just dont' think I have the time to start 10 different blogs. So I guess people are just going to have to deal with what I do write here, when I write it.

Which means I probably won't have much of an audience. C'est la vie!

Down with Corn!

2006-08-04T12:45:00.000-07:00

We are organizing.

My anti-corn cronies and I are gathering and activating and organizing a revolt!

So prevalent is the corn in our foods that we no longer have a choice. We banded together at first to learn from each other. Then we decided that corn was in so much foods, that it was easier for us to create a list of safe foods rather than listing unsafe foods.

Now the companies that made our safe foods are being bought up by larger food corporations which sacrifice quality and start using the cheaper corn additives instead.

If that isn't enough, our fresh fruits and veggies, nuts and fruits, are being contaminated with corn. Whether it be edible films or spraying them with citric acid (from corn nowadays) to preserve their freshness, our food supply is continuously growing more and more harmful to those of us who are allergic to corn.

But its not just our foods, its medications. Check your medications against the list of corn allergens and see how many suspects of corn are listed in each one. I personally have had to resort to having all my every day medications compounded because I got tired of choosing between suffering through the ailment or getting sick. I have pseudophedrine (Sudafed), guaifenesin (Robitussin), acetaminophen (Tylenol), and diphenhydramine (Benadryl) made special for me with pure drugs, no fillers, in capsules (made from pine trees, I checked). To do this you have to have a prescription, even though they're OTC medications. Which means doctors visits ($), plus having them made ($$$).

We turn to FAAN for help but get replies like corn isn't a "true allergy" or that a "true allergy" to corn is rare. Its not rare. Not as rare as the government would like you to believe evidently.

We were told by FAAN that to get corn recognized we needed to contact the FDA to get their policies changed. We contacted the FDA who promptly referred us to FAAN.

Somehow, we have to get someone to do studies to document everything for FAAN to do anything. Doctors to do these studies. Yet to get Doctors to believe us, we need studies, documentation, and even FAAN to support our claims. Most Doctors are too busy to even bother with us, and too easily brush us off as hypocondriacs.

Tired of being defeated, spending all our money on pricey pure foods, spending all our time in our kitchens making everything from scratch because we have no other choice, scared to travel due to inability to find outside of our homes.. corn-free restaurants, corn-free soaps, even corn-free toiletpaper... Tired of feeling locked in our homes.. We are revolting.

We are writing anyone who might listen.

Oprah

Montel

Local Congressmen/women

The FDA (maybe with enough bombardment someone might do something)
Food and Drug Administration
5600 Fishers Lane
Rockville, Maryland 20857
* 1-888-INFO-FDA (1-888-463-6332)

This is only the begining. But its a start. We're not going away. We won't take a backseat anymore. This is our lives, and we should be allowed to live them. And with things as they are, we aren't really living. We're just surviving one day at a time.

Obese, Malnutrition, and Allergic Response

2006-08-04T11:03:00.000-07:00

I am currently having an "argument".. nicely termed as discussion with a doctor about such matters as Food Allergies being able to cause obesity.

The Doc thinks I'm nuts. I know I am right. So we're "discussing". Actually I think its more, I'm discussing and he's smiling and nodding as one would do with a child talking about seeing aliens in the livingroom.

And while I could put at least 10 links in here about malnutrition, starvation, metabolism, allergic reactions, digestion, Celiac, etc. I'm tired of researching for today. So you'll just have to make do with this.

Let me see if I can explain. As in Celiac disease, what happens when such a patient eats gluten? Their body reacts, attacks it (even mistakenly attacks itself), and they don't digest food properly. They become malnutritioned. Even though they are eating, their body is starving itself because it is unable to digest.

What happens to a body that has been starved? When it finally gets food, it whisks it away and holds it as fat just in case of further starvings. Its how our bodies are built. Is it not? And if such a person is continuously periodically starved for a few days then fed, then starved, then fed, would they not actually gain weight as a result?

Now consider a person who is mildly allergic to a common food, lets say milk for argument. If they eat something with milk in it, their body reacts, attacks it, and they dont' digest the food properly. The body doesn't digest the food but escorts it out of the body as fast as it can, thus starving the body of any nutrients from that eating session.

Now you'd think people would notice that when they eat milk they get sick, but even IgE reactions can take hours. And things like diarrhea, acid reflux, nausea.. are easy to explain away as over eating. And if your body is constantly starving, it would be easy to overeat. And what if the person eats milk at their next meal? It becomes an endless cycle where the body adjusts to absorb what it can, when it can, and holds onto it for dear life.

Footnote: "Type I hypersensitivity is also known as immediate or anaphylactic hypersensitivity. The reaction may involve skin (urticaria and eczema), eyes (conjunctivitis), nasopharynx (rhinorrhea, rhinitis), bronchopulmonary tissues (asthma) and gastrointestinal tract (gastroenteritis). The reaction may cause a range of symptoms from minor inconvenience to death. The reaction usually takes 15 - 30 minutes from the time of exposure to the antigen, although sometimes it may have a delayed onset (10 - 12 hours)."

Oh what have I done?

2006-08-03T15:26:00.000-07:00

I got all caught up in.. "Oooo whats this?".. now I think I just signed up for a blog. So.. Umm..

HI.

*runs away*